I remember after my twins were born and I finally stopped working part-time to become a SAHM, I only considered the benefits. I thought about how great it would be to not work. To be able to spend all my time with my girls, watch them grow and to teach them things. I quickly discovered, as most SAHMs do, that although those things may be true, there are 5 things you may give up being a SAHM other than work.
Deciding to become a stay-at-home mom, SAHM, is a very personal and individualized decision. Moms decide to either stay home or not for various reasons. There are a lot of trade-offs and sacrifices you have to make along the way no matter what decision you make.
You Give Up #1 Your Profession
This seems almost like a no-brainer because you elected to stop working professionally. Yet, I discovered that there is a difference between you working and your profession. I am a pharmacist by training. So for 6 years of my life, I went to school to earn that title. Then for 6 years after that, I worked as a pharmacist.
A lot of who I had grown to be and who became was tied to being a pharmacist. The same can be said for most professions, whether you are a teacher, a lawyer, or a hair stylist. When you go from saying ‘I am’ to ‘I was’ it can sting a little. Especially, when people start to question why you would choose to stay at home over your chosen profession.
You Give Up #2 Respect
There are a lot of people that applaud you for choosing to be a SAHM, but there are also a lot of people that do not. Questioning why you may have chosen to give up your career and additional income. Also, losing a little respect for you because your decision to stay home is contrary to what they would have decided. For me giving up my profession, came with losing a little of the respect of others, including my husband, Eric.
It took Eric over a year to truly become supportive of me becoming a SAHM. In the beginning, he went along with my decision to stay home, not because he understood it, but because it was something I wanted to do. I explained repeatedly that this was truly something I wanted and I believed God was calling me to do.
Yet, he and others I knew could not understand why I would give up my lucrative career as a pharmacist. Questioning how I could truly be fulfilled being just a SAHM.
You Give Up #3 Independence
Before becoming a SAHM, when someone asked ‘What do you do?’ the answer came easily and you usually said so with pride. You took pride in your accomplishments, the independence it provided and the title you held. Now when someone asks you ‘What do you do?’ The answer, although easy, it is tied to someone else. Your identity is no longer tied to something you accomplished or achieved; yet to those little people you call your children.
You Give Up #4 Adult Interaction
I never realized how much I needed to talk to and interact with other adults until I became a SAHM. When you stay home, there can be days that go by that the only adult you see or talk to is your husband.
Add to that a husband that travels often for work, and then there can be days with no adult interactions at all. As much as we love our kids, always talking about what Marshall on Paw Patrol or Chilly on Doc McStuffins did that day can get old.
You Give Up #5 Relationship with God
This is one that you may not have realized you had slowly started giving up, I didn’t. As a SAHM, your primary job is to take care of your family. You can become so caught up in nurturing the relationships with your children; you lose sight of your relationship with God. Your time spent with God and in His Word gets pushed further and further down the list of things to do.
Despite all the things that we may have to give up being a SAHM, don’t lose hope.
And let us not grow weary of doing good, for in due season we will reap, if we do not give up.
Galatians 6:9 (ESV)
Being a mom, whether you’re a SAHM or not, is hard work. Regardless of the things we give up or sacrifices we make, we do them willingly and most often without complaints. We do what we think if best for our families. Knowing that although there are numerous things we give up, there are also so many things that we gain.
I’d love to hear about what you gave up to be either a SAHM or a working mom in the comments! And don’t forget to check out how we take a different perspective on being a SAHM here.
I am not a mother, but I have friends who are mothers and left the working profession to be stay at home moms. I admire them because I see the sacrifices they make on a daily basis.
Thanks for sharing your story
I’m a SAHM and I love being able to homeschool my daughters. They mean so much to me. SAHM are often unrecognized heroes that keep their families well managed.
I never expected to be at home as much as I am, but I have adjusted. I didn’t lose the respect really, because even though I was at home I was always working on something. I have tried being a stay at home mom, but after a couple of months, I was stir crazy. I had two kids 11 months apart, so I was home with them for a bit, but I couldn’t do full time SAHM. I still don’t have a lot of adult friends…
I found myself apart of the SAHM movement even though I never planned to be. It worked out well and those 9 years flew by fast. I kept myself busy, found mommy groups (Mocha Moms), wrote a blog, and volunteered and still went to church. I guess I disagree with most of what you’re saying but do see how others can lose sight of some things. I hope you find that balance and get back on track. Adult interaction is important for your sanity so get out there and find groups or even friends/relatives/neighbors and meet up for lunch or a playdate.
Make time for adult interaction and your relationship with God. You are worthy of respect whatever you do. No one should be defined by their profession. I met a woman at a talk I gave on Monday as part of Global Entrepreneurship week. She is a homemaker and defines herself as a Homemaking Engineer. Was so funny the way she said it.
So true, Carlana. These are things I’ve definitely had to learn once I became a SAHM and my perspective on life changes once I did. And I love the term ‘Homemaking Engineer’, I may have to use that one myself. 😉
I remember my wife struggling as a SAHM. It was tough for her even though it was a decision we made together.
Girl! I talk about these very things in my book, Being a Wife Just Got Real. I went through all of these. I’m so thankful God brought me out of this and I grew while home with my kids.
As a working Mom I know how tough it is manage the kids and their schedules after working 8 hours. I also know that I don’t own the tolerance that is required to be home with my kids all day. However I don’t look down on those that do. I think about it when those childcare bills roll in though. We all have to do what works best for us and people need to understand that it is okay to do so. We don’t need permission or approval from others.
I find it interesting that the relationship with God suffers. I wouldn’t think so. Adult-time would be a must, especially after spending all day or most of the day around kids.
Great post
Sometimes I feel like as a working mom I have gave up on what I have dreamed of becoming. I somehow feel like I’m not reaching my fullest potential because I’m working a job simply to keep a roof over my kid’s head and a meal on the table. I certainly doubt I would be working where Im working now if I didn’t have kids.
Girl! I can so relate with the adult conversation and interaction. When my kids were little I used to wait for my hubby to get home and demanded that we got out while he was tired from working all day.
Haha! I was like what is SAHM? 🙂 . My friends always says they miss not being able to speak to other adults most. I notice any attempt to speak with them utterly fruitless as they must admonish a kid or watch out for them etc.. 🙂 🙂 . I have a lot of respect and admiration for you guys, I am always saying that because I know l couldn’t do it. It’s a job all in itself, and a hard one at that.
Adult interaction was huge for me but I am glad that I found so many bloggers who have now become great friends and we interact on a daily through social media and on the phone. It’s good to know we are not alone in this but it’s still tough!
Yes to all the above! I never thought I would take adult interaction for granted but its so true! And that time alone is paramount. I will say that since being home, Ive had more time to reflect on my relationship with the Lord. That has gone in my favor 😉
Loved reading this Ayanna!
I agree on the adult interaction! Even just talking to the people at the grocery store is nice sometimes!
Good article. I was a SAHM when my now grown daughter was little. I would trade that time for nothing in the world. My relationship with God actually became stronger during that time because I could take my daughter with me, I spent a little more time on ministries at the church. By going to the church at least once a week, I had a bit of adult interaction as well. Don’t worry about what others think. If you feel this is right for you and your family and God has called you to do this, then enjoy it. But do try to remain close to Him. Thanks for sharing.
After I decided to be a SAHM, it was a huge shock to me how many people I met said, “Oh, you’re just a SAHM?” like it was beneath them or something. Oh, and I also gave up quiet time. There is no such thing anymore! 🙂
Great post! I’m not a mom yet, but this definitely is something to take into consideration for when I do become a mom. Thanks for sharing your thoughts and personal story!
Great post! Yes, I would say the daily adult interaction was the hardest part and I’m still pretty active as a stay at home mom but some days are spent just talking to the kiddos and that can be a challenge. I have never regretted the choice though as I have gained so much more than I ever thought was possible!
I never wanted to be a full-time SAHM mom growing up, but as a woman who has a chronic illness, I know that when the time comes for my husband and I to have kids, I will not be able to work if I want to be a good mother and wife. I worry about #2 a lot because of this. I worry people will judge me or think less of me. But amid all of this worry, I know that God’s opinion is the only one that matters (thank goodness for that!) and I know he’ll help me and give me grace along the way. Thanks for sharing this post!