As a mom, you probably feel like you say the word “No” all day. Especially if you have a toddler because it seems like their favorite thing to do is things they are not supposed to. Yet, if we are honest with ourselves we may say No a lot, but not always at the times and to the things that matter the most.
We often can find ourselves overwhelmed, overextended, and exhausted because of all the things we said Yes to when we should have said No. In order for us to practice better self-care, we have to learn the power of No.
Just say a simple, ‘Yes, I will’ or ‘No, I won’t’
Matthew 5:37a (NLT)
Something that should be so simple we often make complicated. We allow what others may think, our fear of being left out, our pasts, and other hangups to cause us to say Yes to things we should say No to. For me, this used to happen a lot when I first became a SAHM.
I believed that since I was no longer working, that I could make myself available to any and every opportunity presented to me. Whether it was a church event, an ‘urgent’ errand my hubby needed me to run, a need of a friend, or a school volunteer request, you name it I said Yes to it.
I know I’m not alone in this. I often found myself saying Yes to things I really did not want to simply because I felt powerless to say No. However, this is so far from the truth.
For the grace of God has appeared, bringing salvation for all people, training us to renounce ungodliness and worldly passions, and to live self-controlled, upright, and godly lives in the present age,
Titus 2:11-12 (ESV)
Some of the things you have to learn to say No to doesn’t have to necessarily be ungodliness, but we still have to truly examine our reason for saying yes. Are you saying Yes while fighting against the still small voice within you because of your own fears and hangups? Are you saying Yes to something that may not be the best thing for you and your family at this point in your lives?
Will saying Yes cause disruption to other things in your life and your family’s lives? Then one of the simplest, yet most overlooked questions you have to ask yourself is do you really even want to say Yes?
As women, we cannot do it all or be it all to everyone no matter how much we try or want to. We all have limits and learning to accept your limits is very important as well. Learning to say No to some things can help to keep you from being overwhelmed and overextended.
Learning the Power Of No Helps You To Set Healthy Boundaries
We all need healthy boundaries. Not just personal boundaries, but also boundaries for your marriage and your family. There have to be lines that you decide as a family that should not be crossed.
These healthy boundaries not only help to protect you, your marriage, and your family, but it makes it easier to say No to things that may cross them. For me, one of our healthy marriage boundaries is our vacation time.
My husband, Eric, and I schedule one vacation trip a year without our daughters, now that our girls are a little older. We schedule this trip at the beginning of the year to occur during the summer. Then as the date gets closer, more often than not, Eric will eventually have a work meeting scheduled for the same time.
Yet, because we have already planned our trip and we both value investing time in our marriage, he says No to attending those meetings. Yes, he may miss out on something career wise, but him saying No to those meetings says something to me and to others. It says that he values me, the time we spend together, and our marriage above his job. Now if that’s showing that there is power in No, then I don’t what is.
We have so many things in our lives that are competing for our time and attention. So we have to know what to say Yes to and what to say No to. By learning what to say No to we discover the power in No.
I’d love to hear one thing that you had to say No to and found power in that No in the comments!
I have a very hard time with saying No, as I am a people pleaser. But I have found that when I say No to something I don’t really want to do, I feel better! I am the oldest of 5 and was always the one to help and take care of my siblings. So when I told my youngest sister that it would be too hard for me to be in her wedding, everyone was pretty shocked. I love my sister and don’t regret the decision I made for myself. 🙂 Thanks for sharing this great article!!!!
Thanks, Amy! Saying No to family members is especially hard. Making the best decisions you can for yourself, even the unpopular ones, are so important. And saying No to some of the things you don’t want to do frees you up to say yes to things you do.
This reminds me of that book “The Best yes”, You’ve made so many great points!! Just because we can say yes doesn’t mean we should!!!
Thanks, Patricia! And you know the funny thing is that I just started reading “The Best Yes” this week after it was recommended by a good friend. It as been so great to see God confirm to me that I am on the right path and growing right along with you all. ?
I know people like this. Saying no was not something that I struggle with I have no problem telling you I won’t do something. If I do not want to do it.
That’s great, Sophia. Knowing your limits and what you are willing to do is so important.
Loved this post, Ayanna! Thank you for sharing!
No is something I don’t say nearly enough-but am getting better at saying it at work. I can’t join a bunch of committees while I have young kids. Just can’t do it!
Excellent thoughts today. As a Mom of olders, my advice is to also say ‘yes’ to the important. Pick your battles on the non-negotiable ‘Nos’ and move on. You will be able to look back and say, ‘those were great days.’
The How-to Guru
Such an important and valuable post. The power of No is just so important to keeping sane I think. Thank you so much for sharing this was a lovely read.
Thanks so much, Jenny, and I totally agree with you. It is are to stay sane when you are overwhelmed and stretched thin.
Love this! I’m going to share on my page Moments For “Me”! Saying “no” is so important, yet so hard for us moms! It is a great self-care tip!
Thanks so much, Wendy. Saying No may be hard, but is so important for us as moms. Not just for ourselves, but also for our families.
No is the hardest word for me. I am a natural helper and take on more than I can handle regularly. However, when I finally started to turn opportunities and things down, I was much happier and spent more time with God.
I learned the power of my NO a few years ago. When I reached a point of being way overwhelemed than I could handle it made me reexamine how I was contributing to it.
This is one of the best blog posts I’ve read in a long time. I loved it!!! Thank you for sharing. I really needed this today.
I needed to read this as I am faced with an extended family obligation right now that I know will be hard for me to accomplish with my situation and I know it will add significant stress to my life if I say yes. I feel guilty and therefore I want to say yes, but I’m already stressed and adding this in seems like it will push me over the edge. I know I need to pray about it. But your post really helped me, sometimes no is ok. Sometimes I just have to focus on my husband and kids and my job, not extended family. A hard choice for me.
Dealing with extended family can definitely be hard at times, Julie. There have been a few occasions when my husband and I have had to say no to family members and it was not well received. Yet, our first responsibility is to the well-being of our household. Staying in prayer and united with your husband during making the decision and after is so important. I pray that as you pray and seek God at this time that He gives you the wisdom and the peace you are seeking. Be blessed!
I feel like this sometimes “i’m not working, why not do so and so…” NO! I’m not at your beck and call, I have things planned and just because they are as urgent as your things I am not going to stop what I’m doing to cater to you.
Your article really spoke to me, because as a SAHM of 3 boys (4 when my bonus son is here!) I find that my time is limited. I stay so busy all day, yet at the end of the day, sometimes I look around and say “What exactly did I DO today?” That’s why it’s so important to make sure that the things I say yes to are the ones that matter. I try to make it a point to say yes to each child every day – with a toddler, sometimes it really does feel like all I do is say “no!” – but I struggle to make sure that the things I say yes to really matter and add value to their lives. Saying yes to ironing the t-shirt they’re just going to wear outside is a waste of time and energy. Saying yes to building that lego tower? Totally worth a wrinkly shirt! Thanks for helping me get a little Godly perspective!
Yes! This is a major lesson I’ve learned and have to keep applying. Many times me saying No to something is saying Yes to something better and more meaningful and when you can let go of the need for others approval it makes it sooo much easier!
Yes! I’m sharing this on my page- this is ourbhear of “no” and this captures why perfectly! As usual a great post!
Thanks so much Bonnie! Knowing the why behind what you maybe saying Yes or No to is so important. ?