The longer I’ve been married, the more I’ve realized it takes a lot of work and marriage teaches you so much. When I first got married, I thought marriage was awesome. Yet trying to merge different people and making them become one is not an easy task. For many of us, the second we think we have a pretty good handle on marriage, we start having kids, which adds a twist. Things get really interesting because just like marriage, parenting takes a lot of work as well.
Parenting is such a big job, that we can often put on our marriages on the back burner. Although this is something that is so easy to do, and I’m not proud to say it’s something I have done at one point, it is something that we have to make sure we do not do. Your marriage teaches your kids two very important lessons.
1) Your Marriage Teaches Your Kids The True Meaning of Team
We are our kids’ biggest and most important role models. Especially when they are young, they learn almost everything from us. Just as important as it is for us to teach our kids to walk, talk and navigate the world, we also have to teach them what a great marriage looks like.
Not a perfect marriage because that is unrealistic, but a great marriage.
“For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.”
Ephesians 5:13 (NKJV)
What marriage looks like to your kids is influenced mainly by you. Your marriage teaches your kids what being a team should really mean. Your kids have to always know you and your husband are united as a team. You both have to work with each other and not against each other. Always presenting a united front, your kids learn that you cannot be divided by them or anyone else.
This is so important in parenting because our kids learn early to try to divide and conquer. If dad says no, they will go ask you. Then if you and dad both say no, they go to ask their grandparent. I know you know exactly when I’m talking about.
Your kids will take this idea of team into so many areas of their lives. Whether it is at school and they are working with others on a project. Or they play sports and need to operate as a team. They grow up seeing and knowing that it takes teamwork to make the dream work.
2) Shows Your Kids How To Live Out Their Faith
And you must love the Lord your God with all your heart, all your soul, and all your strength.
Deuteronomy 6:5 (NLT)
Do your kids see you pray together? Are your kids seeing you give each other the time and space needed to have regular quiet time with God? Do your kids see you both serving at church? These are all things our kids need to see at home first.
We cannot preach to our kids how important it is to love and follow God if we are not willing to put God at the center of our lives and our marriages. Being united in your faith and your faithfulness to God is one of the most important lessons we can teach our kids. This lesson can only be taught if we are truly living it out daily.
Not only is this an important lesson to teach our kids, but it is also important for the health and well-being of our marriages. God wants to be not only the center of your life, but also of your marriage.
Your marriage teaches your kids so much more than we often realize. Teaching your kids to always have a marriage that is united and centered on God are two very important parts of parenting. It builds a legacy and framework for marriage that they will carry with them all their lives. Taking the time the lay the best foundation for what a great marriage looks like is one of the most important things we can do for our kids and for ourselves.
I’d love to hear about what you think your marriage is teaching your kids in the comments!
I work with college students and my marriage (I hope!) not only gives my kids a good foundation but is helping to restore what family ought to meet to the students. We can invite anyone in and show them good marriage too. Great post!
Yes ma’am, Jen. Setting a good example for those around you, especially those without a good example, is so important. That is awesome you are using your influence is such an amazing way. 💕
I agree that marriage teaches your kids about the meaning of a team. My kids know that my husband and I are on the same page about parenting. They see us discussing things and making decisions together.
That’s awesome, Nancy! Teaching our kids by example is so important.
I agree, kids should definitely see their parents as a team, this is something I strive for in my family. You have such great points, thanks for sharing it!!
This is so good!! I totally agree that we need to model a successful happy marriage to our children!
This rings so true! I learned so much from my parent’s marriage, I knew exactly what I wanted my own to emulate. Great post!
That’s awesome, Brittney!! I pray that my girls one day feel the same way about my marriage. 💕
Absolutely. Leading by example is so important.
Yes it is, Mila. ?
I love that my kids can see how to problem solve and support each other. And they are learning what it’s like to have a stable and loving home.
Yes, Marcie, that is such a wonderful thing. Teaching our kids by example is so important. ?
I love this Ayana. I always think about the impact our relationship has on the kids and what we are truly modeling for them. Great post!
Thanks, Kenya! That’s awesome that you are really mindful of the example you are modeling for your kids and talk about it with your hubby. Being aware and talking about it is so important. ?
Great post Ayanna! Just discovered your blog, I am soon to be mom, pregnant and due in November. I am getting so many nice tips and advices from your blog. Thank you so much!
I love these so much! Definitely trying to remember these with our three month old little one.
Thanks so much, Kelsie, and they are never too young to start learning things from us. The love and care you show in your marriage is definitely felt by your little one. ?
Having a healthy marriage teaches our children so much!! I love what you said! I think that marriage also teaches our kids how to disagree without fighting or leaving and how to work out problems in a healthy way.
So much truth in this! Kids are ALWAYS watching us. We are always teaching them, whether we realize it or not.
Such a great post! I was just chatting with my hubby about our little guy and how he should see the Lord through our love! It’s so important to be a solid team with your spouse 🙂
Thanks, Latasha, and that is so awesome that you are already talking about what your son will see and gain from seeing your marriage. God’s love is so great and our marriages should be a shining example of that love. ?
I appreciate how you always back up your ideas with Scripture, too!!! And amen to being a united team. Our kids will see us disagree but stand united in the decisions that get made!
Thanks so much, Julie, and that’s awesome! Staying united despite your disagreements is so important. My girls know that mommy and daddy may not always agree, but they also know we stand together in all of our decisions. ?
The one thing I hope my marriage teaches my daughter is that she deserves someone who will put her first. Someone who will love God and love her as well.
Yes, Dawn! ?? I want the same things for my girls. And in turn, have her understand that she has to do the same in return. ?
This is so beautiful and so very true. 🙂 Marriage is one of the best ways to live out faith.
Thank you for your kind words, Jessica, and you are so correct. Our marriages are such a reflection of our faith not just to us, but to others. ?
This is an extremely important aspect of parenting! My daughter is almost one and I remember thinking to myself (just last week, as my husband and I were prepared to pray over our meals), “She’s going to wonder why we are doing this as she gets older”. It makes me nervous, but excited that we get to teach her about the great love that our Lord has for us, as sinful as we are. It is OUR responsibility to maintain a strong Christian marriage and instill in her the values that a Christian couple should have <3
That’s awesome that even though your daughter is young you are mindful of the example you are setting for her, Danielle. She’s not going to wonder why you are praying, she’s going to wonder why others don’t. I love when we are sitting down for a meal with friends or family and they remind everyone to pray. Watching our kids live out their faith is so refreshing and will speak to you in ways you cannot imagine. ?
Love your blog! I just stumbled upon it today but so many of the posts seem to hit home for me today.
Your second point here about your marriage teaches your children how to live out their faith – this reminds me so much about the importance of living (the best you can) a Christian life the other 6 days a week. How we shouldn’t only rely on Sunday School teachers to show our children who Christ is. I completely believe that children notice even the smallest things, and if you’re doing devotionals, and spending alone time with God, they will see it.
Thanks so much for this post. It was such a refreshing spin on the influence we have as parents. 🙂
I love how our marriage shows our sons the importance of working together as a team, for the good of the whole, not just the parts. Loved this post <3
I have definitely been thinking about this more as I see our son watch us interact with each other. When we start fighting or being negative with each other, I immediately see a change in him and he’s only two! Talk about wake up call to being sensitive. It’s definitely a never ending journey and you are so right.
Actions really do speak louder than words! It’s critical for kids to see their parents in a loving, healthy relationship. It won’t always be sunshine and rainbows, but when you have an issue they need to see you handle it in a healthy loving way.
Yes, Theresa! ?? Handling the good and the bad in our lives in a way that shows love and grace is so important for our kids to see. Life is definitely not all sunshine and rainbows because without the rain we would never have rainbows. ?
The true meaning of team…I love that! Especially in today’s society, it’s more important than EVER to have strong values and be living examples to kids. Fabulous post!
Thanks, Erica! Our kids learn more from what we do than what we say, so being that life-giving example for them is so important. ?
I love this! It starts with your example at home!
Yes it does, Amy! We cannot control what happens outside of our homes, but we can control what goes on in it. ?
So true! Lead by example. Often times we forget that little eyes and little ears are watching and hearing everything. We should model our faith in the home first!
I love this post! If we don’t teach our children how to be a wife or husband and how to be married, who will? The world will, and that is NOT the way to have a healthy marriage! God is so good and His plan and purpose for the wife and husband is perfect!!! God bless you!!!!! I am visiting you today from By His Grace Bloggers!
Thank you so much for your kind words, Jennifer, and that is so true. Our kids are learning things every day and it is up to us to combat the wrong messages they are getting from the world. God’s plan is perfect and we have to humbly submit to it. Be blessed!
I LOVE this! I think you have a good point about presenting a united front and living out the Christian life at home. Kids can pick up on hypocrisy and living out our faith in marriage is so important. Also, that’s a great picture of your family. 🙂
Thanks, Lauren, and you said it girl! ur kids will pick up so much in the word, that we have to make sure what we do and say speaks truth and light into their lives. We have to live our Christian lives out loud. ?
So true! It is SO important that they see how mum and dad work together since they can apply it later in their marriage, or even learn the fundamentals for so many other things that require team work!
Yes, Amanda! We can’t do life alone. Learning to work together and have live giving relationships is something that is so important for our kids. Our kids are like sponges and we want them to soak up the right things. ?
Great points! Kids absorb way more than we give them credit for. Being a good example at home will definitely teach them great life lessons.
Thanks, Marsha, and you are so correct. Our kids are always watching us and we have to remember that. Setting a good example at home will help them model that example and take it into the world.
and what the kids teach the parents about marriage too!
First, let me say how much I love this family photo above…too cute. Also, I’ve seen the kids really working out the “ask the other parent for a better answer” theory. They really think they will trip us up, but it’s not gonna happen. We’ve taken this opportunity to sit them down, and as best we could, try to explain what asking the other parent really does. That it will begin to drive a wedge, or even make mommy and daddy upset with each other (if we give different answers). As often as possible, we remind them that daddy and I are a team. It really is so important for out kids to see us this way. What a great reminder this post it. Thank you for it!
Thanks, Jen, and we have definitely been there a time or two. We try to make it a point to always show our girls that we are in this together. There will be no divide and conquer in our house either. ?
I love this so much! I grew up in a broken home and I learned a lot about what I DIDN’T want in a marriage. But because I didn’t have a good example at home, I had to look to other couples whose marriages were strong. I love that you pointed out that parents should be united. My husband and I try to do this and I know it makes a difference.
I definitely understand where you are coming from, Shani. I also went into my marriage knowing what NOT to do and searching for what to do. My hubby and I were blessed to have a couple at the first church we joined together that led marriage ministry and helped us to lay a biblical foundation for our marriage. We all need Godly examples in our lives, even if we have to search outside of our home for them. And as parents, we have to strive to be that example for our kids. ?
My parents always made a point of openly fighting in front of my brother and me. It always made me scurry for an outside door, but it got the point across that there CAN be resolution and restoration in a relationship after a fight. It was important to them to show these Biblical principles in the context of a marriage so that we could understand that a fight, even multiple fights, didn’t have to be the end of a marriage.
I think about their decision a lot. Like you said, I try to show my faith in front of my daughter by how I treat her father.
We try to do the same thing for our girls, Lauren. Conflict happens and our kids need to understand that too. Although not all conversations can be had in front of our kids, we have to show them that love and respect always wins. ?
I think this is definitely so important! My parents were a huge example to me growing up and I think that their relationship set the tone for my own future relationship as well as the one I have with myself!
That’s awesome that you have such a great example, Calee Shea. Parents are the most important role model kids have. We have to be intentional about what we say and do because of it. ?
YES! YES! Whether we realize it or not our marriages make a huge impact on our kids and teach them so many life lessons! Great post!
I love this! My husband and I have been modeling effective communication with our children and using our discussions to teach them how THEY can better communicate with each other and their friends.
That’s awesome, Melissa. I need to start that with my girls. We often have disagreements in the presence of our girls and stay there in order for them to see that we can disagree and yet still love and respect each other. Not all conversations can be had in front of our girls, but the ones we can, we try to use as examples.?
Yes! It all starts at home. Great perspective and something to really think about! I completely agree about our children seeing us as a team. Excellent post!
Thanks, Sumer! And yes it all starts at home. Our kids will follow someone’s example, so it’s important that we make sure it is ours. ?
I love this! As parents our children are always watching and they learn so much from the example we set. I think it’s important that they learn what to expect in a partner by how we treat each other. They see a man of God loving, respecting, and honoring is wife and I the same in return. I had a conversation with my daughter just days ago about accepting nothing less which is fine, but the fact that she has this example daily is even better.
Yes, Marquita! ?? My hubby and I are always talking about how high girls standards will be and we are perfectly ok with that. We should never settle and that starts with us setting the best example we can.