As a wife, one of our most important relationships, other than our relationship with God, are our relationships with our husbands. The covenant of marriage puts us in such an intimate and important relationship with our husbands.
I am proud to say that my hubby, Eric, is truly my best friend. He is the first person I want to share the ups and downs of my day with. I know I can always go to him for support and encouragement. Also, a good laugh when I am taking life or myself much too seriously. I know so many of you wives out there can agree with me.
Yet, despite how important our friendships are with our husbands, they should not be our only friends. All wives need girlfriends and a best girlfriend or two. Over the years I have discovered three reasons why your husband shouldn’t be your only friend.
Reason #1: Men and Women Think Differently
Have you ever been talking to your husband about something and you just stop talking because your husband is staring back at you with a blank look on his face? Or you are out shopping with your husband, you ask him how a dress looks on you and he replies “Fine”? Then you are standing there thinking to yourself, “What kind of answer is Fine?!#” I know I am not alone here. Men and women are not just different physically, but also in how we think.
Our husbands are often listening to us talk to try to figure out the problem that they can solve. Yet our girlfriends are often listening because they know we just want to get our thoughts and feelings out, and to encourage us when needed. Your husband may care less about whether or not the dress you are trying on flatters your post-baby body, but your best girlfriend will.
Reason #2: To Help You Grow As A Wife and Mother
There is just something so powerful about women coming together to support, encourage, and build each other up.
As iron sharpens iron, so a friend sharpens a friend.
Proverbs 27:17 (NLT)
When I first got married Eric and I joined our first church together, the lessons I learned from some of the women there helped to lay the biblical foundation I needed to be the wife and mother I am today. I am proud to say that 8+ years later I can still call on a couple of those women at any time. We all need that.
We all need other women, other wives; to help us grow and at times see past our current situation towards what God really has for us. Helping us to see that our marriage is not just about us, but a beacon of light and love for the world.
Reason #3: Speak Light & Love Into Your Life & Marriage In The Storms Of Life
There is one thing that I know for certain that no matter how great your marriage is or how well your life may be going right now eventually, we all encounter storms. Whether we caused the storm ourselves by our own actions or words. Or things happened outside of your control and you just find yourself in the midst of a storm. Regardless of the cause, we all will find ourselves in them and need great girlfriends there with us.
For if they fall, one will lift up his fellow. But woe to him who is alone when he falls and has not another to lift him up!
Ecclesiastes 4:10 (ESV)
We all need girlfriends who not only know us, but they know Jesus better. They are there to support, encourage and listen, but ultimately there to point us to our true guide and source of our strength. Every time I have felt like I have fallen, whether personally or in my marriage, I have always been grateful for the beautiful, strong, and faithful women of God in my life that have been there to help pick me up.
Our husbands should be our biggest supporters and cheerleaders, but it’s important to make sure they are not the only ones in our lives. Having a life filled with other like-minded women who you can go through life with and speak into your life is very important. Although your husband maybe your best friend, your husband shouldn’t be your only friend.
I’d love to hear what makes your best girlfriend so special to you in the comments!
Well said, thank you for bringing this topic up front. I know many women who don’t think they need any friend besides their husband. But what about when a husband is gone? A dear friend lost her husband so young last year and is really struggling. Without a community of support built in, how much harder would it be…
Why would we limit ourselves to only our husband being our friend. Everyone needs different people in their lives.
So true, Candy. I never looked at it as limiting ourselves, but it definitely is.
I absolutely agree with you on this! As much as I love my husband, sometimes I need my girlfriends to talk to and spend time with.
This is such a true post. I’m not a wife yet but I know I’m gonna need a girlfriend to run to when hubby is annoying me! lol. But really, I’ve seen so many people who neglect their friends as soon as they get married- or even as soon as they get into a relationship!! I’ve learned overtime that female friendships are so important and I intend to take the important ones with me even when I’m married.
You are definitely going to need a girlfriend or two on those days, Tosin. ? I have also seen so many women isolate themselves when they get into a relationship or get married. Yes, it is true that your relationship may change some once you get married, but it doesn’t mean that you should have other relationships.
I love this post. I feel like both of us having friendships outside of our marriage enables us to be the full people we are – not just “husband” and “wife” but a friend, an employee, etc. And we appreciate each other even more.
This is so true, Caitlin. We are so much more than just wives. Having those friendships with others and our husbands allow us to be so full. ?
This is something I’m struggling with lately. We recently moved to a new duty station and I haven’t made new friends yet. We live so far out from the base. I’m determined to go visit some of my new neighbors this week in hopes of making some new friends.
Moving to a new place definitely makes making new friends difficult, Devon. We’ve moved about every 2 years since we got married 10 years ago. So I really understand the friendship struggle. One thing that has helped me through those times is staying connected to the friends I’ve had over the years. My best friends may not live near me, but I know that they are always just a phone call or FaceTime away. ?
I so agree with you on this Ayanna! I’ve lost a few friends due to the fact that they got married and made their husband their everything. Don’t get me wrong, it’s good to be close to your husband, but women need to have each other to be able to vent to or just to relate on things men can’t!
Me too, Channing. I know we all grow and change as we get older and when we get married. Yet, losing ourselves and becoming co-dependent on anyone is not healthy. We should definitely be best friends with your husbands, but having a close circle of girlfriends is so important as well. ?
Yessss! The problem solving issue – all the way! I get the blank stare and the needing to ‘solve’ a problem all the time! But I absolutely agree on this. I think it also helps against codependency in the relationship as well 🙂 Great post, definitely shared!
Yes, Carissa. ?? The ‘blank’ stare drives me crazy from time to time and then I remember as much as I love my hubby he just can’t understand everything. Having those girlfriends who do understand definitely helps fight against the co-dependency. ?
These are all true and valid points. It’s easy to let friendships fall by the wayside when. You have a family but they need to continue to nourished as well to help you grow as a whole person!
So true, Kenya. Growing and caring for your family definitely take s a lot of work and attention, but should not be your entire world. Growing as a person requires nurturing all the relationships in our lives that mean so much to us. ?
Great article! It is important for me to have friends who has similar view on life so I can trust them and they can lift me up instead of pulling me down.
Yes, Amy!!! We all need friends want the best. Friends that pull us up when we are down and will not pull us down when we are up. ?
Great points! I have learned so much from fellow moms and mom-friends, both my age and older. It’s so important. Thank you for sharing.
Thank you, Connie, and I so agree with you. The things I’ve learned from other moms has been such a blessing in my life. They have not only given me advice and tips, but encouragement and laughs as well. ?
I loved hearing your perspective on this. I’m far away from that stage in my life, but it’s certainly something I’ll keep in mind 🙂
Thanks so much, Rosalie, and it is definitely something to keep in mind when the time comes. ?
I completely agree with this! Your reasons are on point. Such a great post
Thanks so much, Taylor. ?
YES YES YES to all of this!!! I always love reading your blog- this was a great post!! Completely agree with you. husbands are important but so are friends!! Have a wonderful day! XO
Thanks so much for your kind words, Jill. I hope you have a blessed and wonderful day as well. ?
I’m so happy that you’ve highlighted the positives of having your husband be your friend – after 33 years of marriage my friendship with Rob is the most enduring and has the greatest strength only surpassed by my relationship with Christ and God. Our memories together since we were 15 and 17 are the foundation of our friendship and I can’t share that with anyone else. Rob is my best friend even before he’s my husband…
However. You’ve also made a solid argument for having great women friends. I especially appreciate your second point. That’s powerful.
And I echo some of the other comments about having good “couple friends” – nurturing friendships with other couples can address all of your three points! I read a book this year about couple friends, “Two Plus Two: Couples and Their Couple Friendships ” where the researchers delve into this topic – it’s a great resource if anyone is seeking to make friendships with other couples!
Thank you for your a wonderful post – I’ll be sharing it with some women friends! 😉
Love this, and very true. My husband is my best friend. Over this past year I have become closer with a mom in the MOPS group. We have the same views on parenting and we both want to homeschool. God made this true friendship! Thank you for this amazing read!
I feel like this post was specifically for me! I struggle with having girl friends just because I like to stay out of the light and stay out of drama. My husband is my everything but I won’t lie, sometimes I need to get away and just have some girl time. Thanks for sharing this!
I can definitely relate, Cynthia. I definitely can do with the drama and love hanging out with my hubby. Yet having some girl time is so important for not just us, but also our marriages. No one person should be our everything because that is something that they can always live up to. So if I were you, I would pray that God guides you to the right girlfriends. With moving so much, that is definitely a prayer that I have prayed many times and He is always faithful. ?
Great point! I had never thought about that before.
Thanks, Megan, and it’s definitely a topic that we don’t often talk about. ?
These are all great tips! I agree with the topic. You need more than one friend!
Thanks, Theresa.?
I love my husband more than anything or anybody in this entire world. He is my best friend. But he sometimes isn’t very good at some conversations because…well…he’s a man. I’m not sure what I would do if I couldn’t vent to my mom or my sister. They always take my side and it’s great.
My husband is my best friend. He understands me better than anyone. And while I agree with you that he shouldn’t be my only friend, he is my favorite one! We both spend time with our own friends too, but I think the best thing is hang out with mutual friends in a group! Couple friends are great to have.
I totally agree–we need outside perspectives from other friends! Plus, there’s something kind of scary and off-putting about couples who are isolated and only are friends with their spouse…you really reasoned through the importance of having community!!
For. Real. I feel like it’s especially important for me right now because my husband is in medical school so my friendships are so crucial. My girls nights are so special to me!
I totally agree with this! You have to have friends outside of your marriage.
Great reasons! I very much agree that you should definitely have more than just your husband as a friend, especially in the years of children and beyond! Someone to share joy and sorrow with, and get a different perspective from as well! Building a support system is important for every marriage, husband and wife alike!
Yes! Yes! Yes! This is so amazing and true! So important!
I love this because it speaks to the truth that God put people on this earth for a reason. To mentor, lead, teach, encourage, give and receive. We need to surround ourselves with like minded individuals!!! xo! D
I’m glad you wrote on this. Sometimes people get so caught up in making sure they do not speak ill of their husbands or say anything about their marriages at all to others, but friends – true Godly friends – can sew seeds and pray specific prayers that bring life and abundance. True friends are gifts from God Himself.
i agree..i think we need more people in our life than just our significant other.
LOVED this and couldn’t agree more! We need our girlfriends, my husband simply doesn’t understand everything but my ladies do get it and help lift me up.
True – but he should also be your best friend…
This is so true and something I’ve only really understood in the last few years. Now I’m making efforts to make my outside friendships more of a priority.