I would love to be able to say that there are never times when my mouth moves faster than my brain. That there are never times when I have regretted saying something. Or times when things I have said have hurt those I love, especially my husband. Our words have power.
They have the power to build people up and to tear people down, especially those closest to us. As we all grow in wanting to be more Christ-like and exhibit the fruits of the Spirit, having control over our words or taming the tongue is so important. This is an area of my life that is always a work in progress for me. Yet I have found three tips over the years that have really helped me to better tame my tongue.
Tip #1 for Taming the Tongue: Is It True?
Truthful words stand the test of time, but lies are soon exposed.
Proverbs 12:19 (NLT)
Truth is something that can be tested and that you can always stand behind. This is something that I am always reminding my girls of.
No one ever wants to be exposed in any way, so making sure the words we speak are true is so important.
Tip #2: Is What You Are Saying Kind?
A soft answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.
Proverbs 15:1 (ESV)
How you say something is often just as important as what you say. You can say the same thing two different ways and the person you are speaking to will hear two different things just because of the way you said it. While also knowing that everything we say is not always what the other person wants to hear, but being mindful that we have to speak truth in love.
Now this one has taken me a little while to grasp, and I struggle from time to time, because I am a person that likes the facts without the fillers. So often when I am talking I can be very direct and it can come across as unkind. So embracing that taming the tongue is not always about saying less, but being mindful of how what we say will be received is key.
Tip #3 for Taming the Tongue: Is It Necessary?
Now, this is the biggest one for me. I like to talk and prove my point, so more often than not I end up saying more than necessary. I know I am not alone in this. As women, we are rarely ever at a loss for words. Yet, learning that just because what we want to say is true and kind does not mean it is necessary.
Watch the way you talk, Let nothing foul or dirty come out of your mouth. Say only what helps, each word a gift.
Ephesians 4:29 (MSG)
If what we are saying is not helping or truly benefiting the conversation it may be better left unsaid. This is a big one when having a disagreement with someone, especially our husbands.
Over the years, the number of arguments my husband, Eric, and I have greatly decreased with a lot it being attributed to me continuously working on taming my tongue. Yet when we do argue it can easily go from zero to sixty because I often like to add unnecessary “facts” to the argument. Such as past actions or disagreements. These things may be true, but they are not needed in the conversation we are currently having.
Taming the tongue is definitely not easy. It takes being mindful of words and the power they have. Speaking only what is true, kind, and necessary. While always prayerfully seeking God to not just give us the words to say, but the wisdom and discernment to know what not to say.
I’d love to hear tips you have used to tame your tongue in the comments!
I really love this. Being mindful of our words and thinking if its necessary is a crucial step in taming the tongue. Thank you for these wise words!
Thanks so much, Lyndsey! This is a reminder we all need from time to time. 💕
Hi, Ayanna.
First of all, I want to greet you a Happy New Year! This article of yours is so inspirational. I would totally agree that taming the tongue is definitely not easy. But with great effort and will, anyone can achieve it.
Happy New Year to you too, Susana, and I’m glad this was able to inspire you. 💕
I have this on a wall in my office to remind kids about social media. Is it True, Helpful, Inspiring Necessary and Kind? They really respond well to it. 🙂 It’s so very true.
It is so hard to know what and what not to say! Love this post, great insights. Thanks!
I am in strong agreement with point #2 and I needed the reminder for the scripture that backs it! We have found that frustration gets the best of us some times when we’re tired or stressed and we don’t have the right response. It’s such a good reminder about the fruit of harsh words.
So good! I think we all need the reminder to think before we speak, and to take tone into consideration!
I will add these tips to my new years resolution! Thanks for a great read!
I think “Is it necessary?” is SUCH a good one!! I think of tips like this the most when I’m interacting with my husband. Thank you for this reminder, Ayanna!
Great post. In general, I just try and slow down so I have time to consider what I am saying. It’s really hard sometimes though, lol.
I always seem to over-analyze what I am about to say to someone anyways, mostly because I don’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings. I like the phrase “each word a gift” in one of the Proverbs above; that is so true!
Great article. I know I personally struggle with what comes out of my mouth sometimes. This was very helpful and I loved how you included the scripture passages!
These are all great reminders… especially with a three-nager! I’ve always heard that “it’s not what you say, it’s how you say it!” It’s not always an easy one to practice but thank you for the good reminder!!
Thank you so much for these reminders! Very true! I myself enjoy a good, spirited debate, but those can so easily go sour due to my quick tongue. Thanks for giving me some tips to remember!
Ayanna, I’m the mom of two little ones, and I especially appreciate the last point. Our comments are often not necessary, and if it doesn’t build others up, it’s best left unspoken! I’m going to add this to my list of reminders for the kids and for myself!!
It’s on my list for both myself and my girls every day as well, Stacey. 💕
I’ve def been more aware of the way I speak more recently. Anytime I feel like I may say something negative I stop and tell myself to send love to the situation instead.
Great reminders. I love number 1, is it true. These questions are good, thank you.
Thanks for sharing this post. It is an area that at times I have stumbled. I live my life like an open book and that can be looked into and found to be very truthful. My issue is that I am very opinionated and therefore share my opinion to often. I strive to not use my tongue to hurt others but want them to see things the way I do. Thanks again for sharing
Love the scriptures you referenced!! Nothing more powerful than the word of GOd.
I can relate to this post so much. I think I could read it every day and still have work to do. Lol. I’m with you on is it necessary and also tone. Those are the two things God convicts me of the most. Thank you for sharing! And the picture of you and your girls is beautiful!
So important to take a moment to collect when feeling like speaking out of anger. Those words, and quite rightly, how they’re delivered, can bring such pain. Kindness is everything.
The wisdom of knowing what NOT to say! Yes! If only everyone could take this advice and follow it. Great read!
Yes girl! Something I am constantly learning to do better! Great post!
“Is it necessary?” These are great questions to consider. Thanks for sharing!
I believe the tongue had the power to build or destroy, these are very helpful hints, anyone can be guilty of this from time to time, it takes work. thanks for sharing.
I always got in trouble for speaking out to turn as a kid. Even as an adult I have to make sure I measure carefully as once spoken, you can say you’re sorry but you can never take it back,
So true, Kenyatta, and me too. I work really hard to not have to apologize for my words for thinking and speaking with love. Yet, I know I am human and have no problem with apologizing when I have to. 💕
So true. I have to stop myself sometimes. I get caught up in venting to my boyfriend about things. I try to practice thinking through my thoughts before making them words. Thank you for sharing these tips!!
I know some people think that the bible is not relatable to today, but It’s so not true. The bible is full of great advice. My favorites are these verses you share. They are such great standards to know what we should or should not say.
These are all great tips and reminders regardless of your age and something more people need to read! Love this post!
Oh this is so good! Always need this reminder-Is it kind? Thanks for sharing!
I’ve had a recent incident with my daughter and my husband and I got into a huge fight because of it. Now I’ve learned that I have to choose REALLY carefully what I’m about to say.
Belle
Love this! I have trouble with taming my tongue but I am working on it.
These 3 questions are very helpful. I guess it comes down to reducing your reactivity enough to be mindful enough to use them before responding.
Reading this post was like a conversation with my Mom lol, she is always reminding me and my sisters of these principles. By the way, your blog is so pretty!
Your last sentence is the most important here – the wisdom of knowing what NOT to say. I need to work on that for sure. I know my husband thinks I add a lot of unnecessary facts too, so definitely working on that.
Oh such truth in these tips. It can be so hard to follow!! Thanks for the reminders today 🙂
These are great tips! Sometimes my mouth moves faster than my brain.
Great article! I can definitely relate. Words can definitely cut deep. Can’t say I agree with the saying, sticks and stones may break your bones but words will never hurt me. Words definitely do hurt. I try to take one second to think about my response but I cannot say it is always easy.