Growing up one of the things I always wanted to be was a wife. I dreamed of my wedding on the beach, my prince charming, and then having kids. While all of those things came true, my childhood dream looks very different from my now reality. Being married is a lot more work than I ever imagined it would be.
Dating was fun and seemed almost effortless. I did not need to talk to anyone about how to be a great girlfriend it just seemed to happen. Then falling in love and taking the next steps to marriage were like no-brainers. Yet, now that I am a wife it seems to take so much effort and even our best efforts can often come up short.
I know I am not alone. Finding ways to deal with and overcome those times when we feel like we are failing as wives is so important. There are three things we all should do when you feel like you are failing as a wife.
1) Accept That You Are Not Perfect And Is Your Husband Isn’t Expecting You To Be
As much we may strive to be we are not perfect and neither is no one else. We can often get caught up in looking at others, especially on social media, and think that someone else has a perfect life. Yet, the truth is we all have stuff and make mistakes.
Indeed, we all make many mistakes.
James 3:2a (NLT)
While the picture they are showing may appear perfect, no one knows what their lives look like when the camera is not on. There is no perfect family or any perfect wives. Comparison not only can steal joy, but also can prevent you from being the wife God created you to be.
Our husbands are not looking for us to be perfect either. They love as we are and think we are pretty awesome just as we are. We often put these extra pressures and expectations on ourselves that our husbands are unaware of. Then when we do not meet these expectations or unrealistic standards we have set in our own minds, we feel like we are failing. Yet we are not failing at all.
2) Talk To Your Husband About Your Feelings When You Feel Like You’re Failing As A Wife
It amazes me at times how many things can be either be solved or overcame with a little communication. Dealing with and expressing our feelings of failure as a wife is one of them. Our husbands want to not only know what we are feeling, but also areas that they may be able to help. I have learned two very important things over the years by openly and honestly expressing my feelings to my husband.
One is that I have often made things out to be way bigger than they really are and he does share my view of things. For example, he can come home from work and the house is a mess. I may feel like I have failed at keeping our house in order, while he sees that I clearly had a full day with our girls and the mess can wait until the next day.
Secondly, that by me expressing my feelings it gives him an opportunity to see and provide in an area where I need some help or support. Both of the things point not to the fact that I am failing, but ways for us to grow and support each other.
3) Don’t Forget to Pray
Now, this goes without saying. Prayer is not only powerful, but changes things. God wants us to come to Him with everything.
The Lord helps the fallen and lifts those bent beneath their loads.
Psalms 145:14 (NLT)
God wants us to take our eyes and focus off of the burdens and the weight we carry. Take our feelings of failure and inadequacy, and bring them to Him. Knowing that although we may be down, we are not out and God is there to lift us up. I cannot tell you the number of times I have gone to God in prayer when I have felt lost and like a failure. Yet, there has never been a time when I have gone to Him that He has not comforted me and lifted my spirits.
Failure may be a part of life in some ways, but feeling like you are failing as a wife is not one of them. Feeling as just that, feelings. They are not facts. By accepting and embracing our imperfections, communicating openly and honestly with our husbands, and praying; those feelings of failure will be a thing of the past.
I’d love to know if there are any areas where you have felt you are failing as a wife
and what have you done about it in the comments!
Talking about your feelings is the best thing thing you can do. That, and turning to God. Wonderful, encouraging advice in this post!
So true, Carri, and thank you so much for your encouraging words. 💕
#1 is a problem for me, but the opposite of what you describe. I think I’m doing pretty well, and certainly doing the best I can, but I often get criticized that it’s not enough. I don’t expect myself to be perfect, but it feels like my husband does, and I constantly fall short.
Know that you are not alone, Brandy, in how you feel. I would encourage you to do three things. The first is to pray. Pray about the conversation you will need to have with your husband. Pray that God gives you a peace and contentment that you are doing your best. Pray for a change of heart and of words for your husband, if needed. Secondly, I would talk to your husband, especially if have never expressed your feelings. He may not be aware of how you feel and how what he says is making you feel. And even if you have, talk to him again. There have been many times in my marriage where we have had to have the same conversation many times before there was actually change. So don’t feel like you are alone in that either. Thirdly, I would find ways to pour into yourself. Whether that is joining a small group, scheduling dates with girlfriends, or reading a great book like “The Confidant Woman” by Joyce Meyer. Because one thing I have found when I start feeling down about myself, I need to find ways to build myself back up. 💕
These are such wonderful reminders! It can be overwhelming when you think you’re failing as a wife and it’s so needed to get reminders like these! <3
Praying ALWAYS helps, and communication is key.. That is what I find!
These are all such great tips! Talking to him is a great idea! Communication is sososo important in a marriage!
Girl, this is great advice! We aren’t perfect and we have to remember that!
Sooo much truth here! Prayer and communication are EVERYTHING!!!
Thank you for sharing this and being real in what marriage looks like! It is not easy and if it was, it probably wouldn’t be worth doing. I’ve found that every challenge we’ve made it through together, has made me stronger as a person and us stronger as a couple.
Communication is seriously so important! It keeps me from believing he is thinking something, that he really isn’t!
I love this. These are so simple and yet so affective. Thanks for sharing.
Great reminder for everyone that no one is perfect. Some we learn to over look and others we change as we grow closer.
Being open and candid with your feelings is healthy in any relationship! Great tips!
These are great tips. I’m lucky to have a very supportive husband who is always there to give me encouragement when I’m feeling like a failure. It’s good to remember to have grace with yourself too!
This is a good reminder that we are not perfect! Sometimes I try to be perfect and that in itself is a failure. Thank you for posting this.
So good! I always have to remind myself to see my husband the way God sees him, and pray that he sees me the same way: through the lens of what Jesus did for us 🙂
I appreciate your honesty and willingness to share how God is impacting your marriage!
This speaks volumes to me right now! I feel like so often we compare ourselves to what our idea of the perfect wife is… I loved this!
Communication is the most important part of a relationship, and also the part that is the hardest.
Very good tips. I know a few people who might want to read this!
We are to hard on ourselves. That is why marriage takes two. When one is falling behind some the other picks up the slack. Keep communication lines open.
YES YES YES to #1. What a rude awakening that was for me in our honeymoon phase of life. Like you, I had always dreamed of marriage, but then all of a sudden, every insecurity I had came flooding to the surface. And for us, communication and time in prayer was the answer! What great truths spoken here!
Thanks so much, Christi, and it’s always good to know you are not alone. I have discovered that marriage helps to take our rose-colored glasses off and allows our truth the be seen. It is not always pretty, but with love and God, it makes your marriage better. 💕
Amazing what God can do if we take our eyes off our flaws and even the flaws of others. To do much more than we ask or think 🙂
Yes, Deborah!!🙌🏾 He is our ever present help.
This is so true on all levels lol, i find that number 2 after I do 3 help a lot. my husband is my “emotions clarifier” lol. thanks for sharing.
Yes, Denise. I often have to pray before speaking to my husband about things that are bothering me. It helps me to calm down, not to be over emotional, and help me to find the right words to say.
This is a really great honest post. I love this because marriage is hard at times, but I love that you say to communicate. For me, communication is so important.
Great suggestions for any wife. Marriage is so hard at times & fully tests the resolve “to death do us part.” Prayer and communication are essential!
Love everything about this post! I’ve only been married for a year and a half, so sometimes it seems like we are still figuring things out. 🙂 I’ll definitely save this for the future!
Three simple, powerful truths and applications. Thank you!
Sometimes I just have to take a step back and realize I am not wonder woman and can’t do everything. That is when satan creeps in.
The hardest part is trying to communicate your feelings in a way that doesn’t make your husband feel attacked 😉 I struggle with that big time.
This was a little sad to read, I hope that this isn’t a direct reflection on your feelings. It’s interesting though, I recently wrote a story about overcoming an underestimation of self-worth and I feel as though you would relate to it. 🙂
This is such great advice! Sometimes we put so much pressure on ourselves and then have to realize that no one is expecting us to be perfect! It’s important to voice our feelings and ask for help when needed!
These are all great tips and reminders of what a real marriage is like. Accepting the good and the bad and loving each other for all of it! My current struggle is not making enough time for just us.