{You are in for a treat with a little ‘Tea with E’. Where my hubby, Eric, stops in to guest post and give us a little peek into the male perspective.}
Given your intuition and knowledge of your husband’s ambitions as a wife, you are in a unique position to encourage him. Others have a limited view of your husband, but in a healthy marriage you know his dreams, talents, strengths, and limitations better than anyone and can influence accordingly.
As a wife, you are fully equipped to be the servant helper God called you to be. Seriously, where would us husbands be without you? So wives, please continue to be patient, pray, and uplift your husbands, that’s your challenge. Your challenge to help you grow as a wife is to elevate your husband. It will be a blessing for you, him, and your family!
Sometimes I hesitate or procrastinate around a specific task. If I’m honest, fearful at times based on assumptions I’ve made, not facts. Fear is false evidence appearing real. I recognize such behavior reflects disobedience and sin, which I’m not proud of, but the struggle is real. I’m sure your husband can identify with this. No man wants to be perceived as fearful or unsure.
Yet, as the servant leaders of our homes, we need to rid ourselves of these things and press onward. Wives, given the intimate knowledge of your husbands’ gifts and motivators, you can nudge us towards our goals and God’s plan for our lives, which includes you.
She opens her mouth with wisdom and the teaching of kindness is on her tongue.
Proverbs 31:26 (ESV)
My wife, Ayanna, has been a catalyst so many times in my life to get me where I needed to be in relationships, work, ministry, and more. I can unequivocally say that I would not be where I am today without her. Most recently in my profession, I had been working for a company where my career began for many years and I was afforded many professional development opportunities. Yet, I seemed to hit a ceiling in terms of advancement there.
Ayanna was able to remind me of my career goals to get me to open my eyes and see the reality. Encouraging me to step out of my comfort zone and trust God for something better. Without her nudging, I might have continued to remain stagnant and discontent.
As wives, you don’t need to strategize, formulate a plan or scheme to get your husband to move. Some encouraging words and speaking his love language will motivate and help to elevate him.
Authentic manhood requires husbands to reject passivity and accept responsibility. If he truly doesn’t know about something or is unsure, he will pursue the knowledge or resources accordingly. Nagging, seeking to shame or embarrass your husband will not push him towards what God has. It can often times do the opposite and cause him to withdraw from you as well.
An excellent wife is the crown of her husband, but she who brings shame is like rottenness in his bones.
Proverbs 12:4 (ESV)
God has a way of speaking to us through His Word, a still small voice, and through His people. Wives are often revealers that can see things clearly for what they are and can speak truth in love. Be an encourager, the wind beneath his wings! Your elevation and his depends on it.
I’d love to hear about experiences where you have elevated your husband!
I truly appreciate the insight you’ve given. God has been working on my heart, as I have struggled with my words in our marriage. I am learning to trust God with my marriage, and to rely on Him for wisdom and help. Thanks for the encouragement! God bless you both and your ministry!
Thank you so much Eric. This is just what I needed to read today and the date you wrote this post tells me that God wanted me to receive your message. My husband and I have been married for 16 years. Our only child, our ten year old son, passed away suddenly and unexpectedly on April 19, 2016. With his two year angel-versary approaching I have regressed back into the PTSD symptoms (I was present during the horrific day that he left us) that I have been trying to escape from for so long. Along with this, I am ashamed to admit that I have been doing the opposite of elevating my husband. I have been weighing him down. We had a long talk tonight that did us a bit of good but after reading your post I now know the importance of pulling myself up so that I can elevate HIM instead of giving into the evil Satan is trying to pull me down with. I will be fervently praying as I do my best to elevate my husband and honor God’s calling to do so. Thank you for your words which were written on our angel’s birthday, the day he would have have turned 12 years old. Blessings to you and your beautiful family.
This is a great post. I’m very single so I can’t really relate, but it’s great stuff to keep in mind for the future haha
This is an amazing post. I am going to try this with my boyfriend!
This is beautifully written and the positivity your wife shows towards you is reflected in your support and gratitude towards her. After 8 years of marriage, I am still learning every day!
Thank you Christina for your kind words! The cool thing about marriage is that seasons of life bring about experiences that allow for us to continue growing and learning. We are right there with you. E
Yes! I love this. My husband and I have been married just over five years and I’ve seen the ways our words & actions can help us thrive, and when they haven’t! I love the way the Lord created us to be a team and to help each other on life’s journey!
Excellent, thanks for sharing Elizabeth! A lot of truth in your words. God bless you and your husband! E
What a great reminder this was for me today. Thank you for this post.
Thanks Caroline, you’re welcome! E
Such great advice, and a great reminder to be an encourager!
Thanks Danielle! E
Love this insight from Eric! I especially appreciate the reminder to not worry about strategizing! I definitely overthink ways to support my husband.
Thanks Gloryanna! Glad you were inspired by the post. E
This was such a wonderful read. I’ve only been married for about 4 months now, and it is so great to hear a man’s view on marriage and a wife’s role in her husband’s life. I really enjoyed this, great job!
Thanks Tracy! Glad you were blessed by the post. As a newlywed, you are in an envious position to build a healthy marriage from the start. Keep encouraging your husband! E
Wow. Let me just say, I love this. This is such an encouragement. My husband and I are only six months into our marriage *yay!* and it has been the most rewarding time of my life. God has shown me so many areas that I have partnered with fear and lies in almost every area of my life but especially in my relationship with my husband.
Because of fear, I used to try to control the situation or his actions leaving me exhausted and he defeated because he couldn’t do anything right. Talk about a never-ending circle of grief and anxiety. I love what you said: “As wives, you don’t need to strategize, formulate a plan or scheme to get your husband to move. Some encouraging words and speaking his love language will motivate and help to elevate him.” This is what I’m working on right now with all of my might. Truly believing that prayer and encouragement rather than anger and despair is the way to go.
Thank you for this blessing of a post!
I loved reading this post from a man’s POV! Speaking our spouse’s love language is such a BIG component. Our words hold POWER and can definitely bring life or death. Thank you for sharing. Loved it!
Thanks for sharing your perspective, Eric. My husband and I seem to be quite opposite when it comes to our personalities – I’m head strong and he is much more relaxed. Often times my “encouragement” becomes nagging or critical. Thanks for the reminder not to be that way. He’s currently working through his masters program while teaching first grade, so he can use all the elevation I can provide!
We’ve only been married for 2 years but together for almost 7. He just finished school two years ago and always says he doesn’t know where he would be if it wasn’t for me. Always taking care of things.
This was beautifully written! <3 I loved reading it and it really made me appreciate my husband even more. Honestly, my husband and I are pretty perfect for each other. We are both continuously supporting each other and we truly are our best selves ever since we got married. I grew up with my parents divorced and I ended up not having a relationship with either of them for a long time. Then I was in several failed, abusive relationships that were just terrible. Then my husband came into my life. A man who would do ANYTHING in the world for me and who already has done so many things just to make me happy. Sometimes I have to pinch myself to make sure it's all real. I will always make sure to support and elevate him every single day for the rest of my life. <3 I am so blessed and I couldn't be happier.
This is some great insight. I’m bookmarking this so that I can re-read it several times. My husband is starting his own business, and sometimes it’s so hard for me to see past the lack of health care, decrease in income, and lack of security. As our family continues to grow (we are expecting baby two!), I need so badly to remember that my encouragement can go so far. I need him to know that I see him as capable and worthy of my trust, rather than constantly voicing only my fears. Thank you for this encouragement!
Being encouraging and loving is so important in a marriage! I am blessed to have a husband that is both!
Love this post! Such a great change to hear it from a husband’s perspective! I know I can definitely tell a difference in my husband when I am encouraging him and lifting him up, instead of being negative!
I’ve seen the changes in my husband when I have changed my speech toward him. I’ve never been one to put him down but sometimes when I take more care in choosing my words, I see that the intent of what I said was better received. It’s encouraging for both of us.
My husband and I recently realized that we each show each other love with our preferred way of receiving love. I serve him because I want to be served, and he is constantly affirming me because that is how we receives love. Realizing this, and trying to flip the way we love each other, has been really helpful.
Words of edification and affirmation go a long way in marriage that’s for sure! We’ve been married 26 years now and we didn’t get here by my nagging or belittling. It has always been super important for me to build him up, be his biggest cheerleader, and constantly pray for him. While men feel the need to be “manly” in public, at work, around their “manly” guy friends, and even at home – they also need to know their wives have a window into their heart and that their wives are appreciative of all they do. Sounds like your wife is prettt awesome! Thanks for your “manly” perspective. It’s refreshing for me to hear and helps remind me of how to support my husband for the long haul.
This is awesome! I try to be an encourager for my husband, but I honestly end up nagging more often than not. Thank you for reminding me that that is not helpful.
What a bold reminder to our call as wives! We are helpmates and their to encourage as we walk this spiritual journey together.
Great topic from a husband’s perspective! In the first few years of dating my husband, I nagged about everything I wanted him to correct, and that got us absolutely nowhere. When I learned to examine myself first, then leave my concerns at God’s feet, things began to change.
I have seen the response when I have been an “encourager” than the reverse. To his credit, my husband is extremely encouraging. I am so blessed!
Glad to hear your husband is a blessing Deborah as an encourager! It sounds like you may have a positive cycle of encouragement in your marriage. May God continue to bless you both! E