As a mom, I often watched my girls have fun and play in a way that is almost fearless. They often approach life and play as if they know no bounds. Something I am at times in awe of, but weary of because I know that boundaries do exist.
We often create boundaries as moms ourselves not to restrict or stifle them, but for their benefit. Not just any boundaries, but healthy boundaries. This need for healthy boundaries is not just needed for our kids. It also applies to all areas of our lives and relationships for three very important reasons.
Setting Healthy Boundaries Keep Us Safe
This applies to both our physical and emotional well-being. Although it may appear being free and without restrictions or boundaries in our lives and relationship may be a great thing, it is actually the opposite.
God did this very thing at the beginning of creation.
But the Lord God warned him, “You may freely eat the fruit of every tree in the garden- except the tree of the knowledge of good and evil. If you eat its fruit, you are sure to die.
Genesis 2:16-17 (NLT)
God was setting this boundary not to harm them or to prevent them from having freedom. It was to keep them safe. We have to do the same thing in our lives.
From the boundaries you set for your kids for where and how they can play to keep them safe from harm. To making sure you are being mindful of the number of hours you work, to prevent you from being exhausted and overworked.
Whether it is for your own personal well-being, your marriage, your kids, or at your workplace. Having healthy boundaries keep you and those you love safe and free from the consequences that we can experience if we do not.
Helps Keeps Things Out
This is one of the biggest benefits of setting healthy boundaries with regards to our relationships. Whether it is in your marriage or family. One of the biggest ways to protect your health and well-being, along with that of marriage and family is protecting it from things that may do you harm.
You never want to invite anything in your marriage or home that can cause division or discord. This can be things a simple as not letting your kids watch certain programs or listen to certain types of music. Or in your marriage, agreeing that the word divorce is never used in anger or when having an argument.
There are also boundaries that may need to be set to with certain people as well.
If people are causing division among you, give a first and second warning. After that, have nothing more to do with them.
Titus 3:10 (NLT)
Setting boundaries with friends and family are often the hardest, but so necessary. The people you allow in your home and to speak into your life should be there to love you, build you, and support you.
With friends and family, will you always see things the same way? No. Will you always agree? No. Will there be times when they will challenge you? Yes. Will there be times when they may cause you to question why you did or said something? Yes.
But through it all there should be love and they should want the best for you, your marriage, and your family. They should not be causing division, but pushing you to be better.
Setting Healthy Boundaries Is An Expression Of Love
True love is not a feeling it is an action. We love not just by the things we say, but also by the things we do. We express love in so many ways, one of them being setting healthy boundaries.
As moms, we do not let our kids’ fun freely go through all parts of our homes, not because we do not want them to have fun. Yet because we love them and want to keep them safe.
As wives, we do not make all major money decisions alone not because we do not have the knowledge or the ability to make the decision on our own. But because we love and respect our husbands and want to be on one accord with managing our finances.
Whether you realize it or not, you probably have already set many healthy boundaries in so many areas of your life and relationships. The number you have or the specific boundaries you have are not as important as the reasons behind why you have them.
Do your boundaries keep you, your marriage, and your family safe? Do your boundaries keep the things out that you cant out? And do your boundaries express love? All three things we need to consider when revisiting the boundaries we have already set or creating new ones.
I’d love to know a healthy boundary you have either for yourself, your marriage,
or for your kids in the comments!
I think we need to set healthy boundaries for everything in our lives so they don’t overlap and overwhelm us.
I so agree, healthy boundaries are important! I like what you said about it being an expression of love, most people don’t think of it that way but it absolutely is!
This is great advice! They are certainly an expression of love….I see that as an adult but as a kid it drove me nuts haha.
Sometimes I think we don’t want to set boundaries with our partners because we don’t want to feel like we are restricting them or changing them in any way, but like you pointed out, setting boundaries is actually healthy and expresses more about ourselves. Boundaries show that we care.
Oh this is so true! Boundaries were created for good reason. I have seen damage done when stepping outside of boundaries.
Thank you for such a powerful teaching. One of the boundaries you mentioned that I would like to adapt for our marriage is not to use the word divorce. Having grown up with a single mom, when marriage gets hard it can be easy for me to default to thinking divorce is the easy way out but it’s not. Boundaries with friends and extended family is something I’m learning to do.
This post is absolutely spot on. Many parents that I see today don’t set boundaries for their children and the truth is that boundaries keep us all safe and happy!
Simple boundaries like knocking on a bedroom door before entering. Boundaries are good for everyone.
Lovely Post!! I totally agree with your post.Amazing.
Great post! Not an easy task for most people.
Every now and then I try to set boundaries for myself – I’m very single and I think doing these things now would definitely help me when I meet the person I’m meant to be with.
I agree. Boundaries are very important in relationships of any kind. I do think family and friends, especially family can be the most challenging ones. Sometimes family think they know what is best for you which isn’t always the case.
I totally agree that boundaries are very important! Boundaries are not keeping people out, they can be out love and safety.
Setting boundaries is so important!
Setting boundaries is so important to maintaining healthy relationships. I totally agree with you. I guard my family’s boundaries strongly.
I really love this! We’ve been talking about boundaries a lot in my small groups lately so this is perfect!
That last point… setting boundaries being an expression of love. I wish more people would understand that instead of feeling like boundaries are set as something negative. I will try to use this perspective when explaining our boundaries to others.
Great post! Setting boundaries are super important in any relationship. Sometimes just asking yourself, “How would I feel if my spouse did this same action”? Putting the shoe on the other foot has been helpful in setting boundaries and making choices.
I totally agree. My boundaries change due to stress levels, so it’s important to keep reminding ourselves that it’s okay to set boundaries with people we love.
I totally agree with this. One of the best things that we can do is set boundaries not only for ourselves but also for our children (if we have any). I think sometimes as Christians we think that we don’t have to set boundaries because it isn’t Christ like. But even Jesus would spend time alone to be with God and set boundaries with other people. Thank you for bringing this topic to light!
Yes, Angela! Being more Christ-like in all our actions and relationships is so important. Which includes healthy boundaries.