Marriage is one of the most uniquely, beautiful relationships you can have. Filled with love, joy, and fun. Yet, it is not without hard times and requires work. Some of the beauty of marriage often comes from how unique men and women come together to become one in a way that is not like anything else.
Just like how God created men and women differently, so are our roles in marriage. One of the roles so many wives struggle with doing and husbands struggle with understanding is submission. The struggle for many women often stems from a lack of understanding of what submission really is. While the struggle for many men stems from a lack of understanding of what submission is not.
I know I struggled with submission early in my marriage because of a lack of understanding. I had so many preconceived ideas about what submission was and looked like. Neither of which I wanted nothing to do with. So after joining a marriage ministry group at our church I learned the truth and beauty of submission in marriage and it forever changed my marriage.
Before we can get to the reasons and beauty of submission in marriage, we have to start with the truth about submission really is.
The Truth About Submission In Marriage
In a marriage, submission simply means being under the same mission. When you break the word apart it is easier to see, sub (under)-mission.
Submission does not mean subservient. It does not mean that as a wife you are less than or under the control of your husband. It simply means that both the husband and wife are on the same mission following after God.
Now that we’ve dispelled some myths about submission and know the truth about what submission in marriage really is, we can look at two reasons why as wives we should submit and the beauty in it.
As Wives, We Submit Because God Said It
As a believer, it is important to follow God’s Word. So when looking in the Bible about marriage and what a wife’s role, submission is key.
Wives, submit to your husbands, as to the Lord.
Ephesians 5:22 (ESV)
Although this is the most simple of the reasons why as wives we should submit to our husbands it still does not make it easy. For me, this is where I had to look back at what submission really means. As husband and wife, we are under one mission following after God.
Whenever you may find yourself struggling to understand a scripture I often find it helpful to look up the same verse in other Bible translations to get a better understand. The Message Bible translation was really helpful for me with this verse and further understanding of submission and my role as a wife.
Wives, understand and support your husbands
in ways that show your support for Christ.
Ephesians 5:22 (MSG)
As a wife, how could you not want to “understand and support your husband” and show you “support for Christ”.
Doing things God’s way can do nothing but benefit us, so why would we not want our marriages to be benefited by following His Word.
As Wives, We Submit Because It Blesses Our Marriage
As wives, you often set the tone and are an example within your home. Just like we want to love and care for our husbands, they want to do the same thing for us. So by being understanding and supportive of your husband, thus submitting, you will find that he will want to do the same for you.
Not that we do things to get something in return, but it is a great benefit. As you strive to be a better wife, your husband will, in turn, strive to be a better husband. Now that is a blessing for you and your marriage!
God also sees you submitting, your heart and your willingness to follow His Word and will want to bless you and your marriage as well. The blessings you receive appear in many different ways, both seen and unseen, but they are always there.
For me, truly understanding what submission means and the beauty in it was a game-changer for me as a wife and for my marriage. Now do not get me wrong, yes I do submit to my husband, yet it is not always easy. I also have not always submitted to my husband and I can clearly see the difference it made in my marriage. If I am totally honest, it is not easy most of the time.
I can be very independent, headstrong, and have my own relationship with God. So at times deferring to or looking to my husband takes a lot. But if I want to follow God’s Word and my marriage to be blessed I have to choose to submit. Yes, it is a choice.
A choice that as wives we have to make every day, but the benefits make it a choice worth making every day.
I’d love to know your thoughts on submission in marriage in the comments!
This is so eye opening Ayanna. You broke down that word and made it so simple. Thank you for continuing to give us lessons on marriage and life❤️
I’m so glad this was able to speak to you and shown you the beauty of God’s Word about submission, Brittany.
Hi Ayanna
I love how you have encouraged us to walk in God’s ways. I think you have done a great job of describing the truth of submission to our husbands. As you said, it is walking together on the same mission.
I also love how you point out that it is not easy for us wives to do that, but it is always the best thing for us and our families.
I know all about being independent and headstrong – that is totally me! 😉 Marriage can at times definitely be a lot of work – especially when you factor so many other things into the mix like kids, work, etc. As you said though, we all have choices to make each day as to what we want our marriage to look like. Good reminder!
I think submission in a marriage is good if it makes both people happy. I realize that perhaps god doesn’t care if we like it or not but still, I don’t think it works well for everyone.
The clarification between submission and being a door mat is important. They are not the same and too often we confuse the door mat philosophy for what God intended us as women to be. But that is not the case.
So true, Karen. Knowing the truth about God’s Word and seeking to live that out is so important. There is nothing weak, small, or doormat like about a Godly wife.
My husband and I have a more equal partner marriage and we’re very happy with that. We recently celebrated 35 years of marriage. However, my brother-in-law and his wife have this type of marriage and it seems to serve them well. At first, it was really hard on my brother-in-law to have to be the main decision-maker. I know that my sister-in-law still struggles with letting him have the final say, and frankly at times it does not seem fair. However, I think every couple has to follow their hearts and work together to make the marriage work.
I can see how it may appear that biblical submission unequal, but that is not true, Beth. God calls those in marriage to be equally yoked, that two become one, and both husband and wife are to submit to God first. Biblical submission within a God-centered marriage means that as you both follow after God, you both have equal say in our marriage and make decisions together.
Following God’s model for home and family is always best! It makes for a happy home when we all submit to HIS will!
Yes it does, Kristin.