Making the decision to say “YES!” is a big step. Going from only being accountable for your own actions and making sure your own needs are met to becoming one with another person. Respecting and honoring that person above all others is no easy task.
Yet despite the pressures you may feel from friends, family, or society, it’s important that before you say ‘YES!’ you ask yourself a very important question. Are you really ready to be a wife? Here to help you answer that question, are three questions you should ask yourself first.
Do You Know Yourself?
I don’t really understand myself, for I want to do what is right, but I don’t do it. Instead, I do what I hate.
Romans 7:15 (NLT)
I know this sounds like a simple no brainer, but you have to look past the obvious.
Most women have dreamed about getting married and having a family since we were little girls. Yet sometimes we can let that dream cloud our judgment. What are your personal goals outside of potentially being someone’s wife? What are your professional goals? Have you discussed them with your soon-to-be fiancé and does he support them? Are you pursuing your dreams and passions?
Knowing who you are is so important before getting married. Your spouse is not there to make you a whole person, but to complement you. A marriage should be two people giving their whole selves to each other and their marriage.
Do You Know Your Soon To Be Fiance?
This can also be looked at like a simple no brainer, but you have to look past the obvious again. I know you probably know his favorite color, favorite sports team, and how he likes to spend his free time. Yet do you know what his biggest dreams are? Do you know what his goals are for the next few years? What about the next 5 to 10 years?
You probably also know his family, where he grew up, and how he grew up. Yet do you know how his family upbringing has affected how he views marriage? How it affects his future family with you?
You probably know how sweet and kind he is to you. Yet do you look at how he treats others and how others react to him?
You can identify them by their fruit, that is, by the way they act. Can you pick grapes from thornbushes or figs from thistles?
Matthew 7:16 (NLT)
We all produce ‘fruit’. The fruit we produce tells a lot about who we are. Does he bring out the best in you and want the best for you? Does he do things for you out of the kindness of his heart because he wants you to be happy? Or does he only do and say things that are self-serving? Looking at not just what you think you know about him, but what you actually know and the fruit his words and actions have produced is important.
Have You Asked God?
This may be the last question, but it is the most important one.
Now this is the confidence that we have in Him, that if we ask anything according to His will, He hears us.
1 John 5:14 (NKJV)
God hears all of our prayers. Yes, He gives us wisdom and discernment. Yet He still wants us to come to Him for guidance and direction. Saying ‘YES!’ to becoming someone’s wife is one of the biggest decisions you can make. That decision should not be made lightly or without God’s direction. Along with praying to God for His guidance, we have to be willing to accept the answer.
Yes, God answers prayers. Yet sometimes, regardless of how much we want something or think it’s the best thing for us, it may not be. His answer may be ‘No!’ What we want or are seeking may not be in accordance with His will. You have to trust that God only wants the best for you and if your potential fiancé is the best, He will let you know.
Regardless of where you are on your journey to holy matrimony making sure you are seeking God’s guidance, knowing who you are, and who your fiancé-to-be is will help you to answer that very important question. Are you really ready to be a wife?
I’d love to know your thoughts on ‘Are you really ready to be a wife?’
Whether you are on your way to saying ‘I Do’ or you’ve already said it in the comments!
This is such a must-read for newer couples!
Some great thoughts, even for me who’s been married for 11 years.
These are really important questions to ask yourself before embarking on marriage. When you take the time to really discuss values and ideals, it honestly just strengthens the relationship that much more! 🙂
I am definitely YEARS away from being ready for such a huge commitment like marriage but I really enjoyed this post. I have to agree that before marriage you really have to step back and see if you truly know yourself first!
Such great tips. My husband and I have been married 4 years now, and communication is so important. We still like to check in with these questions, as we are always changing and growing, both as individuals and as husband and wife. Thanks for this great read!
I love growing with my husband and still learning new things about him every day, but the way he treats his momma was how I knew he was one of a kind. I think when you find a spouse that is the kind of man you’d like to raise one day, you know you’re getting something good. 🙂
I lived with my now husband or 4 years prior to marriage. I can say without a doubt that I knew him and our goals were aligned. The most important part of marriage will always be a willingness to grow together and to grow for the other person. At least in my experience.
Oh sister I am all about praying for what you desire in a husband AND preparing to be the wife God wants you to be for the husband you prayed for. That is how Andre and I met! I prayed specifically for Him and asked God to prepare me for my future husband. Love this post and so needed today for those who want to be married. Your posts are always encouraging and that is why we nominated you for The Blogger Recognition Award. You can read more about that here: https://livingourpriorities.com/blogger-recognition-award/
This is all excellent advice! Marriage is a very serious commitment and all of this is so important.
I loved these thoughts! My husband and I are high school sweethearts, and dated for almost five years before finally tying the knot. I was more than ready, but now that I look back it’s crazy to see not only how far we’ve come in that time, but also how much we’ve grown together in our relationship with each other and with the Lord. <3
This was such a great read. My husband and I have been married for three years now and we asked each other some of the questions you included above about getting to know your fiancé. We also talked about kids and upbringing. That was so important to us!
I love this. I was told to leave all past to past by the ministers wife before I got married. Begin that day as if it’s all anew with the one you are adventuring the rest of your life with!
That is awesome advice, D, even in marriage. Things happen and feelings get hurt. Yet we all have to learn to forgive and let go of past hurts to move forward and grow. ?
There are so many things that should be discussed before marriage. So often you see people jumping into it for the big party and the romance of it all – but marriage is Hard work!
I totally agree, Vicki. Weddings are exciting and fun, but the focus should be more on the marriage that starts the moment you say “I do”. Marriage definitely takes work, but it’s worth it. ?
Great thoughts here and I think it’s also important to get the thoughts of your family as well. Not all families are going to be stable and helpful but they are the ones that theoretically care for you and you need to listen carefully to any concerns.
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So true, Lizzy. We can’t pick or control our families, but we can help each other be prepared to deal with any of the challenges you may face with your family together.
Thanks for sharing this. You’re right that each of these questions seems simple on the surface but, without God’s direction in the matter, our vision of the answers can be unclear. That last question is the most important!
I totally agree, Jazz. At the end of the day no matter what we do or how prepared we think we are, we need God every step of the way make our marriages work. ?
Perfect advice! I have been married now for 7 years and find these type of gentle reminders always apply! XO
It gave me a gentle reminder as well, Jessica. It helped me to see areas I need to grow myself and conversations my hubby and I haven’t had in a while.
Great questions to ask before getting married! I was honestly nervous up until after I said “I do.” After that I knew I had made the commitment and things felt less stressful to me 🙂
I think people get too caught up in the romance and wanting to be engaged etc they dont talk about the logisitcs. guilty here too!
Great topic especially for me! ? I think it is important also to know what each other’s goals are. Malik and I have talked about each other’s goals numerous times. It’s important so you can cheer each other on and encourage to work and get towards those goals. I also do pray all the time for us, for God to lead us in the right direction as we take this next huge step in our relationship. I am ready to say “I do”!
That’s awesome, Tiffany! Praying for each other and with each other is something that should always be a constant in your relationship and your marriage. I can’t tell how many times in marriage, and life period, that the only way to get through it is through prayer. Keeping God at the center of your lives and relationship is key. And I am a firm believer that your spouse should always be your biggest cheerleader. Supporting and cheering each other along through life and achieving your goals. ?
Great ideas for new couples!
Thanks, Susannah. ?
I’m not even close to saying I do but this was so nice to read 😀
Don’t think anyone is really ready for marriage. Unless they have lived together for years, and I don’t agree with that. Takes two giving to each other every single day. Over looking some quirks.