5 Tips For Better Communication With Your Husband

Do you ever feel like you are always talking, but your husband is not really hearing you? Or when you do talk to your husband you are both just talking at each other and not with each other? Communication is so important in marriage, but it is not easy. So finding ways to have better communication with your husband is always needed.

We all know that marriage is a journey and growing in your communication skills in your marriage is no different. I can remember when my husband, Eric, and I first got married. We seemed to talk all of the time about everything. Our marriage was fresh and everything just felt so new. Yet, over time as the newness faded the conversations did not seem to come as easy.

Something that seemed so easy at one time, now took a lot of work, intentionality, and effort. And if I am honest, I did not always want to put in the extra work and effort. I saw so many people who seemed to make their marriage look effortless and easy. Yet, I soon realized that no matter how “perfect” someone’s life or marriage may look, it is far from it.

Marriage requires us to put in the work to improve the communication in marriage and ensure our marriages continue to grow. During the journey, while growing as a wife and being intentional about improving communication in my marriage, I discovered 5 simple ways that can help us all improve communication in our marriages.

Communication Tip#1- Pause Before You Speak

Communication is a two-way street. It requires a lot of give and take. Often as a wife, it can be easy for you to want a conversation to go in a certain direction or at a certain speed. Often not in the same direction or at the same speed as your husband.

That is why when talking with your husband it is important to take time to pause before you speak at different times to make sure you are both on the same page and that you are really listening to your husband. Both are very important to having better communication with your husband.

Whenever you are communicating with your husband, one scripture I want you to remember to keep in mind is…

Understand this, my dear brothers and sisters: You must all be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to get angry. 
James 1:19 (NLT)

By taking pauses before you speak, it helps you to ensure you are living this scripture out in your marriage.

Being quick to listen is all about you allowing that opportunity for your husband to speak. Being slow to speak and taking that pause, helps you to process what you are hearing and to not say something you may later regret. Both of these will also help you to be slow to get angry because you are taking the time to truly listen and measure your words. All of which will help to improve your communication with your husband.

Tip #2- Seek To Listen First to Have Better Communication With Your Husband

This goes hand in hand with taking a pause before speaking. Although as a woman you often speak more than your husband, it does not mean that your husband does not have a lot to say. Often you have to give your husband that opportunity.

I know my husband, Eric, often has a lot to say. However, he only gets to say it when I am not the one doing all the talking. So I have to remind myself to seek to listen to him first. Not because I feel what he has to say is more important, but because it is a sign of respect, love, and that I value what he has to say.

As a wife, it is important that you show respect, love, and honor to your husband not just with your actions, but also with words. A great way to do this while improving your communication in your marriage is to seek to listen first.

Showing your husband that you value what he has to say and that you are intentional about listening to him. Both are essential in having healthy communication with your husband.

Communication Tip #3- Evaluate The Time and Location

Having healthy and open communication is important for every marriage. There should be no topics or things that should be completely off-limits, but there is a time and a place for everything. Just because a conversation needs to occur does not mean it has to occur immediately. Taking into account your mood, environment, upcoming activities, and any potential audience is necessary.

By taking into account your mood and your husband’s mood, you can see if you can truly have a healthy and productive conversation at that particular moment. Or do one or both of you need some time to get into a better mental space or mood.

Let’s be honest, in marriage emotions can run high. Being kind, gracious, and loving at all times is not always easy and does not always happen. So taking the time and space you or your husband may need before you can communicate about a particular topic or situation is okay.

By taking your location and upcoming events into account you are making sure you have the space and time to have the conversation you need. Communicating well requires time and intentionality. So making sure you actually have the available time is so important.

By taking your audience into account, this refers to those who are around that may be listening. This is especially important if you have kids. There are some conversations that are just not appropriate for your kids to hear.

However, this does not mean that you have to avoid all hard conversations when you have kids around. I believe it is just as important for your kids to see you being affectionate and kind to each other as it is for them to see you resolve conflict in a healthy way.

By evaluating both the location and the timing when communicating with your husband, it will help to make sure you are both in the right environment, mood, and available to communicate effectively and well.

Tip #4- Assume Right Motives When Communicating With Your Husband

In life and marriage, it is often very easy to get very focused on our own thoughts and feelings. This makes getting your feelings hurt and taking things personally easy as well. Hence it is important when communicating with your husband to assume the right motives.

When assuming the right motives, you are assuming that what your husband is saying is coming from a place of love, is not meant to hurt you, and wants the best for your marriage.

Now I am aware that this is not always the case. There are times when things are said by either you or your husband that are not always loving. It may have been said with the intention to hurt. However, these times are often more of an exception than the rule.

Remember that assuming the right motives also helps you to not enter into a conversation from a defensive standpoint. Not looking to defend yourself or prevent yourself from being hurt. But looking to truly hear each other, communicate well, and grow in your communication with each other.

Communication Tip #5- Not All Communication Needs to Be A Big Deal

As much as communicating is key in marriage. Not all communication needs to be deep or extended. Another way to improve communication in your marriage is to be consistent about having small conversations throughout the day. Whether verbal or even something as simple as a text.

You will be amazed at how connected you feel with your husband when you become intentional about keeping communication going in small ways throughout the day. It also helps that when you do have to have more in-depth conversations, it does not feel like that is the only time that you talk.

In marriage, communication should be less about what you do and more about how you live. Living out a marriage with grace, open ears, open hearts, and committed to doing the big and small things that help to encourage healthy communication with your husband for years to come.

I’d love to know what is one thing you do to help better communicate with your husband in the comments!