If you were to ask most wives, including yourself, ‘Do you love your husband?’ The answer would immediately be yes. I know I love my husband and love being married to him. Yet, if we go a little deeper and I was to ask you a similar question, ‘Do you love the husband you have?’ Would the true answer be as immediate and would the answer be yes?
Love is an action, not a feeling. At every wedding I have ever been to, including my own, 1 Corinthians 13 4-8, is quoted in some way or some form. Whether on the invitations, in the vows, or spoken by the officiant.
With all the things these verses say about what love is, it never refers to our feelings. It requires us to take action and act. In the beginning, putting your love into action is almost effortless. Yet as time goes on, careers take off, kids are born, and life just happens, things change.
As time goes by and years between your wedding day and today get further and further apart, things change and so do people. So the man you married all those months or years ago is probably not the same man he is today, and neither are you the same woman. Yet, despite the changes that we may go through, the commitment we made to him and God remains the same.
Above all, keep loving one another earnestly, since love covers a multitude of sins.
1 Peter 4:8 (ESV)
Love Him Where He Is and How He Is
If you were to ask your husband if he loves you just the way you are, he would probably say yes. As a woman that is such a comforting feeling, especially after having kids. Having kids does a lot to you and not just physically. Yet having the full support of our husbands is important. Yet, do we always support and love our husbands the same way? Or are we looking for the same man we married all those years ago?
It is always funny to me when I’m watching an argument between a couple on TV and the wife yells, “You are not the man I married!” It’s funny to me because no one ever stays the same, except God. Over time as we are truly seeking God and loving our husbands the way God has called us to, we should change.
The light within us should shine a little brighter and the love we have for our husbands should increase. I thank God every day that I am not the woman Eric married all those years ago, and grateful he is not the same man I married either. Along with being thankful that he’s not the same man, I’ve also learned to not look for him to be someone else.
An excellent wife is the crown of her husband, but she who shames him is like rottenness in his bones.
Provers 12:4 (NKJV)
Stop Looking For Him To Be Someone Else
This can be a big one for some of us. We can often compare our husbands to others, knowingly and unknowingly. Whether that is to our dads, past relationships, friend’s husband, or a fictional character in a book or movie. Our husbands are not perfect and neither are we.
So looking for him to be someone other than the man God created him to be is not healthy for your marriage and prohibits you from loving the man that he is.
Loving the man that he is does not mean you do not support and help him to become better; because as our husband’s helpmate, that is one of the things God has called us to do. Yet, helping him to become better and trying to make him someone he is not are two different things.
Love each other with genuine affection, and take delight in honoring each other.
Romans 12:10 (NLT)
Support His Dreams
Loving our husbands also means being their biggest cheerleaders. This may not always be easy, but it is necessary. Your husband needs to know at all times that you are for him, support him, and always in his corner.
Taking the time to listen and understand your husband’s hopes and dreams is so important. Asking questions along the way for clarification not to criticize.
As his wife, you are to be the one person who gets him when no one else does. Supporting and loving him where he is helps him to have the confidence to grow into the man God is calling him to be. In my marriage, I am Eric’s ‘Ride-or-Die’ and he is mine. He knows that without a doubt I am for him and beside him through all the things that life may and has thrown at us.
This thing called marriage is not easy, but nothing worth having ever is. So love the husband you have. Not the husband you had or not the husband you wish you had. So I’ll ask you again, ‘Do you love your husband?’
I love to hear your thoughts in the comments!
I’m not married nor am I in a relationship at the moment but I love getting advice for my future so whenever that time comes I will be as prepared as possible to make it last because so many marriages fail now days.
I love this. It is so important to have grace for each other as spouses!
Yes, Becca! Grace is something we all want and need, so it’s important to make sure we give it as well. Especially in our marriages. ?
This is a great post. I think it is something every person in a marriage should reflect upon. What a great way to really appreciate your spouse by thinking of this.
Thanks so much, Leah!. ?
Thats some good advice. Marriage is about making each other better and support each other no matter what. I sure like my man 🙂
I’m sure marriage is a great journey! Wonderful read for those in it!
I needed this…thanks!
You are definitely not alone, Lacy! I have to remind myself of this from time to time. ?
Great article and a fabulous question! I often look at friends and family members and ask that very question. My Father used to always say ‘support/help your man!”
My husband helps me become a better woman. He is so intelligent and helps me refine my character. I thank God for giving me exactly what I need, daily.
I am right with you, Elle. You are truly blessed. The Bible says “He who finds a wife finds a good thing” -Proverbs 18:22 and I feel the same goes for a wife. My hubby makes me want to be a better woman and is my biggest supporter and encourager. Marriage is such a beautiful thing.
This is great advice. I like how you shared your experience and incorporated bible verses. This is an awesome post.
Thank you so much, Ramona. ?
Forever and always do I love my man from and of God! We pay attention to our 11 years of marriage!
Ayanna, how have I never read your blog before?! I follow you on social media stuff thanks to the Growing Social Media group, but I have been MISSING OUT by not reading every post because ohhh man, you write so honestly and with such insight into Scripture. I love how many verses you applied to this!!
Thanks so much, Julie, that is so sweet. I follow you too and have yet to go to your blog. But I am fixing that today as well. Heading there now!
Ooh wee, this is good. No one ever stays the same except God, ain’t that the truth? I needed these reminders this morning sis. Thanks!
Thanks, Stacie. This is a reminder we all need from time to time. ?
Really great words of wisdom here. Love that you give solid, and firm reminders to love deeply. Esp “So looking for him to be someone other than the man God created him to be is not healthy for your marriage and prohibits you from loving the man that he is.” Oh did I learn that the hard way! So happy when I reflect on just how God has taken our marriage from two kids with issues (and no God in the marriage), to who we are in deep love almost 30 years later
Wow, 30 years of marriage is amazing, Christa! Learning the love the way God has called us to is something that I think a lot of us have had to learn the hard way. God is love, so loving deeply is the only way to go. I pray God continues to bless and grow your marriage for many more years to come.
My husband and I actually had a conversation about love today. We’re going through a lot of life changes at the moment, and we both agreed that we take our frustrations out on one another, leaving the other person feeling alone and unloved. Is that how we feel? Absolutely not! Reading this was very reassuring today, thank you!
I’m so glad this was able to reasure and encourage you, Lesley. The fact the despite the changes you are going through, you are keeping the lines of communication open is so important. It is so easy to attack the one closest to you when life seems to be attacking you. Learning to fight together and not each other is hard for us all. There have been many times when I have let my frustrations with things get the best of me and took them out on my hubby. But like at so many other times, we get through the tough times together and so will you. Be blessed and know that is is only for a season.
Loving your husband is one thing. Loving him the way he needs to be loved is a totally different issue. It can also be dangerous to use the golden rule in marriage. Expressing love in his language is key.
Hit that on the nail people change but our commitment to God and each other remains the same. I wish people remembered this when they get married, if people remembered this maybe there would be less failed marraiges
Commitment is definitely key in marriage, Tiffany. Failure should definitely not be an option if both people are committed to God and making it work.
I love this. My husband has changed so much since I’ve known him back in our younger years. But even over the course of our marriage. I love who he is becoming and even the stuff that isnt so great I love in grace. Great post as always lady! ❤
Thanks so much, Kenya. That’s awesome that you love even the man your husband is becoming. I started doing that and it has really been an eye-opener for me. I love seeing the confidence in him when he knows I’m supporting and loving the man God is making him into. And I will have to borrow ‘love in grace’. That is an awesome way to look at loving both the good and not so great parts.
Hey Ayanna, I wanted to drop a quick note and let you know I added this post to the round up on my blog called, “What’s Love Got To Do With It?” Great post.
Took my husband and I a lot of tries before we finally got it right. We’ve been married two years and have two beautiful girls together who are 7 and 1. (Yes, I was 8 months pregnant with our second when I finally said “yes”). It hasn’t always been easy, but it’s so rewarding. We are probably the closest we have ever been to each other and I treasure that bond.
Yes to all of this! We have to support their dreams. my pastor says our husbands’ dreams are birth through us since women give life to things and people.
Nowhere near marriage, but I have been dating and it’s so interesting seeing the growth I’ve had between this potential relationship and my super dramatic former relationships. I always enjoy your truthful sentiments.
That speaks so much to me of what successful marriage looks like! Thank you so much ?
Thank you for this! It is definitely so important to support and love our husbands fiercely! This message is an important one and I’m glad to see other bloggers out there sharing it!
God bless,
Patty
I love this! Love is definitely an action and I am working every day to love my husband better than the day before.
I cannot agree with you more! Love is an intentional action, not just a feeling. I think that thought process is part of the basis to a lasting relationship. This post really warms my heart. I’m so fond of my hubby but we, like all couples, have ups and downs. It’s so great to remember that love is not based off of a single mood.
Over the past 13 years we’ve change for sure. Most of it is change for the better. It would be unfair to think we would stay the same, yet there are some things that I never want to change.
I must admit we have been through so much in the last couple of years…I truly love my husband for who he is; flaws and all! I love Proverbs 12:4…great scripture and reminder!!
We’re very lucky, in the past 18 years of marriage we’ve grown together instead of growing apart!
Still growing together after 18 years, is amazing! I pray continued blessing over your marriage and hope I can say the say thing at my 18th wedding anniversary.
I feel like I’ve grown with him over the years, so I do love him how he is. He is a great person and yes, he has flaws, but so do I.
Growing together is so important, Krysten. We all have flaws, but not just focusing on those is key. Loving who your husband has grown to be is awesome.
this is lovely. Love grows and changes over time. It is not the same as when you first got together, but that isn’t a bad thing. It needs to be nurtured and worked on just like anything in life.
This is so true. Love is most definitely an action and not just a feeling. I love my husband exactly where he is and I love the person he is becoming. And he loves me the same. It’s great to have a marriage with that much love!! Thanks for sharing.
That’s awesome, Madison, that you both love and appreciate each other where you are. And loving the person you see him becoming is such a beautiful thing. I never looked at it like that, but I could say the same about my hubby. I’m also so excited to see and already love the man God is molding him into.
I love this, Ayanna! I was just thinking last night about how my husband is a different person then the one I married; he is a wonderful man. I always look forward to reading your posts; have a great week!
Thanks so much, Lauren! I am so grateful that as we grow, so do our marriages. Loving the husband you have is a beautiful thing. And I love reading your posts too! ?