As a mom, I have often felt like I spend most of my day telling my girls no, to stop doing something or correcting them in some way. Some days it seems like they get a kick out of seeing if they can push my buttons. So find a way to encourage our kids good behavior, like with this gem jar, is so important.
I know you know exactly what I am talking about. Although correction and discipline are important parts of parenting, they are not the only parts. We also need ways to encourage and at times to reward good behavior from our kids as well. A great way to do that is with a gem jar.
What is a Gem Jar?
A gem jar is simply a jar or container that you use to collect ‘gems’ that your child earns for good behavior. Once the gems reach a certain level or the jar becomes full, the child gets a special treat. It is a great and simple way to point out good behavior from our kids and encourage them to continue in that direction.
This great parenting tip I actually first heard about from my oldest daughter when she was in kindergarten. Her teacher used a gem jar as a way to encourage and reward good behavior from her entire class.
I thought if this could work for an entire class of kindergarteners, then I could definitely make it work with my three girls.
Let us think of ways to motivate one another to acts of love and good works.
Hebrews 10:24 (NLT)
Using a gem jar allows us to put the focus on encouraging good behavior and not just discouraging bad behavior. Every child wants to be acknowledged for the good things and decisions they make. Much like we often do even as adults. The gem jar is a great way to do just that.
How to Make a Gem Jar
You can make it as simple or as fancy as you like, but the basic materials required would be the same:
- A clear jar or containers
- A label
- Markers or pens for the label
- ‘Gems’ (glass stone, marbles, rocks, whatever you like)
- A jar or container to store the gems
I used mason jars I previously purchased from Walmart, but you can get them at any craft store or dollar store. The labels I used are chalkboard labels I had leftover from a previous project.
Similarly, labels can be found at any craft store, Walmart, and on Amazon. Also because I used chalkboard labels I used chalk markers as well, and they are also available where chalkboard labels are sold. Then for the gems, I used accent gems I found at Dollar Tree.
Once you have all your materials, you are free to put together and decorate your jar in any way you like. Possibly taking into consideration your child’s interests, favorite things, colors, etc.
How To Use The Reward Jar
Just like our kids are unique, so are the things your child may get rewarded for. So what your child may be rewarded for may be totally different from mine, and that is okay. For example, my girls are REALLY SLOW eaters at times. So they will get a gem for eating in less than 30 minutes. (And yes I do set a timer ?)
However, your kids may have no problems eating, but they do not like cleaning up after they are finished eating. As an example, you may give your child a gem for cleaning up after themselves without being told. The sky is the limit for what your child may receive a gem for.
I also decided to add two unique features to my gem jar reward system that I know you would love too. The first one is to not just wait until the jar was full before my girls could get a reward, but set smaller goals to achieve along the way. So on my girls’ labels, they have two lines that once reached can allow them to get a smaller reward.
Types of Rewards
These will also be geared specifically to your child. Every child loves different things and will be motivated by different things. For example, when one of my girls reaches the first reward line they get to either cook with me without their sisters or 30 minutes on the iPad.
If they reach the second reward line, they get a prize from our prize bag. The prize bag is a bag filled with a collection of books, toys and other things I’ve purchased for only a few dollars a piece.
Then once the jar is filled, they get to plan and go on a special date with their dad or me. After completion of this, we dump out the gems in the jar and they get to start again.
Another unique feature I’ve added to the gem jar reward system is the removal of gems as a form of discipline. Yes, I know this may seem counterproductive, but everything needs balance.
Gem Jars Can Also Help With Discipline
No discipline is enjoyable while it is happening- it’s painful! But afterward there will be a peaceful harvest of right living for those who are trained in this way.
Hebrews 12:11 (NLT)
Our kids need to always be reminded that their actions can have either positive reinforcement or negative consequences. Working towards earning gems by exhibiting good behavior is great. However, when they are exhibiting bad behavior they also need to understand that there are consequences for those actions as well.
For example, my girls will lose a gem for whining or crying for no real reason, being unkind or mean to others, or not listening. I always take the time to remind them, a warning if you will, that their behavior may cause them to lose a gem. If they continue, I do take a gem from their jar.
This helps to teach our kids that life is all about choices. They make good choices and they can work towards receiving a reward. They make bad choices that can prevent themselves from getting that reward. Definitely not the most fun part of parenting, but hey no one ever said this stuff was going to be easy.
Key To Gem Jar Success
There are three keys that will help you successfully use gem jars with your kids. The first is keeping the gem jar visible and accessible. This way you do not forget about it and it becomes a part of your every day. We keep ours in the kitchen on the counter because that’s where we spend a lot of time.
The second key is to keep a list near the gem jar of some examples of ways to earn a gem, lose a gem, and the rewards. This is especially helpful if any of your children can read. My girls are always looking at the list to remind themselves of what they are working towards.
The third key and most important is to be consistent. Like with anything consistency is key both for your kids and yourself. Your kids need to know you are serious and committed to this.
Gem jars are a simple and great parenting tool we all could use. Helping to encourage and reward the good behavior our kids exhibit on a daily basis.
I’d love to hear if you have ever used a gem jar, or another rewarding tool, for kids
and if not, would you try it now in the comments!
Great idea! I’m definitely doing this.
Yes, a school I worked at used this system. Kids loved to collect them for rewards.
How cool, Alexandra. I got the idea from my oldest’s kindergarten teacher because it seemed to be working so well for her class. 💕
This is such a good idea! I need to try this.
I absolutely love this idea! My husband and I were just talking the other day about doing some type of reward/behavior system and this one is so clever! Thanks for sharing!
This is such an awesome idea. I will definitely need to try this with my daughter — I love that it builds up to a reward!
This is such a good idea to encourage good behavior.
Thanks, Tanvi. ?
I don’t have kids but this is such a creative idea!
Definitely something to keep in mind when you do, Miranda. ? This is something that can be started when they are young and that you can change up as they grow.
This is a fantastic idea that I will definitely be employing for my 3 year old boy. He is sometimes quite mean to his little brother and I am at my wits end as to how to stop him. This sounds like something he would respond to quite well!! Thanks for the idea!
Sibling rivalry is something we all deal with as mom of multiple kids from time to time, Leah. Encouraging kindness, gentleness and loving actions is something that earns a lot of gems in my house. I’m so glad that this will be able to help you encourage the loving behavior you want from your son and discourage the behavior that you don’t. ?
This is a BRILLIANT idea! Gahhh! I need to do this, stat!
You can do it, Rachel. You’ll love how personalized you can make it and how it helps motivate your kids in new ways. ?
Your gem jar is so cute! I use a similar idea in my classroom as well, and I’ve always thought that I could see parents using something like it at home! Glad it works well for you!
That’s great, Lisa. Parents can learn so much from their kids’ teachers if we take the time. I love going to volunteer at my girls’ school and see all that they do and learn. It definitely takes a village and teachers are such a huge part of our villages. ?
As a teacher, I use positive reinforcement all the time. I love this idea for reinforcing good behavior!
I can only imagine how hard being a teacher can be at times, Ashley. Thank you for all you do as a teacher, I know all of my girls’ teachers have been such a blessing to us. Reinforcing good behavior is something I’m learning to do more often and love how well it works. ?
I love this idea. It is hard to keep children motivated. This has a great balance of actions and results.
I LOVE this what a great idea!! I am going to keep this handy for my son as he gets older, thanks for sharing!
I’ve been looking for different ways to spur my children on, and I love this idea so much!
I love this idea. We’ve tried a chart before where she can get points that, when added up, could get a reward, but I really like the idea of using something more tangible and tactile like gems. The 3 keys to success are imperative. We didn’t have a list of how to earn rewards, how to lose them, and options for rewards last time, so I’ll be trying that this time. Thank you for the idea!
Awesome, Jen. And remember that the list is just a starting place. I try to find ways to give my girls gems throughout the day. And my girls love to add the gems to the jars themselves and options with the rewards. ?
I wonder if this would work for grownups too 🙂
It just may, Andrea. I’m thinking of a way to apply this to myself now, but I’ll have to get my hubby’s “approval” of my rewards. ?
What a lovely idea, my son really responds well to a rewards system.
Don’t we all, Caroline. Knowing we are working towards something allows us to have a sense of accomplishment and ownership of our actions. ?
A great “visual” for behavior (and could even be applied to myself!). Thank you for the step by step!
I’m definitely trying this, this summer, so I don’t lose my mind! They always want to get ice cream when the ice cream truck comes by, so maybe that can be one of their smaller rewards!
That sounds like an awesome idea, Alex. We often give our kids a lot more freedoms in the summer, but trying to reel them back in some times can be hard. So starting this is the summer wold be great and it is something that you can carry into the next school year. ?
That is such a great idea! I could see how this would totally change your perspective at the end of the day. Instead of thinking, “Wow, I said NO so many times it doesn’t even sound like a word anymore,” I’d be thinking about how many gems the kids earned today. I think I might be making these soon! Thanks!
Yes, Samantha! And it saddens me when they haven’t earned any gems that day. So I try to encourage them to make tomorrow a better day.
What a great idea! Love it! I’m gonna share the idea with my daughters!
Thanks, Vickie! I hope that it works as well for her as it has for me. ?
I am going to share this idea with my daughter who has three little ones.
Such a cute way to encourage good behavior! My daughter is all about anything “sparkly” right now – and she is also all about the temper tantrum, haha, so this might be the next route! XO
So are my girls, Jessica. I have glitter all over my house because of it, lol. One thing that also helps me with the gem jar is putting the gems on the counter when they earn some, so they can put them in the jar themselves. And bringing up the gem jar has definitely cut a lot temper tantrum short. ?
This is such a great idea, I have a 5 yr old and this is a perfect idea for this summer!
Yes, Jess, it works great for 5-year-olds. My twins are always “reminding” me about their gems. I love that they are starting to make better choices with their behavior without me having to remind them. ?
I used this idea all the time as a teacher, but I have never tried it at home. We may need to give it a try during the summer months when we are all together!
Such a neat gentle encouragement idea! They can also see their progress and things they’ve accomplished. I love it. I might even do this with my husband!
Loved this idea of the gem jar! And it’s easy to make and so very helpful with discipline! Wonderful idea! Thank you for sharing this simple yet very effective idea! 🙂
This is so adorable! We have used various systems like this in our family and they have been such a blessing! Great tips here!
Love the details for setting up the Gem Jar. On point with the biblical references. I will try this with granddaughter Lilimae when she stays with me.