There is no formula, so to speak, when it comes to determining if a guy is husband material because we are all works in progress. Yet, there are core characteristics to consider and it is possible to assess his character and motivation for his actions.
{You are in for a treat with a little ‘Tea with E’. Where my hubby, Eric, stops in to guest post and give us a little peek into the male perspective.}
There are three core characteristics that should be evident to determine if he has husband potential. (For the sake of discussion, I’m going to name your potential husband, Hu.)
1) Your potential husband must be willing to serve others
Becoming a husband is signing up for perpetual service. There will always be things that need to be done for others in a marriage and family. How often does Hu volunteer, support others, go out of his way, or put others before his own needs? Reflect on the biblical call for husbands.
For husbands, this means love your wives, just as Christ loved the church. He gave up his life for her
Ephesians 5:25 (NLT)
Sacrifice requires elevating others needs above your own and letting some individual things go for the benefit of others. How often have you witnessed Hu sacrifice his time, energy, and resources for others receiving nothing in return?
This will provide you a glimpse of what he may be willing to do in serving you as his wife and your home in the future. Hint: If it’s his world…you might want to explore another planet! In other words, keep it moving, on to the next one. An authentic man of God knows that the Lord will bless him for such efforts and he will remain faithful in serving others.
Whatever you do, work heartily, as for the Lord and not for men, knowing that from the Lord you will receive the inheritance as your reward. You are serving the Lord Christ.
Colossians 3:23-24 (ESV)
Ayanna and I have certainly had our challenges throughout our marriage. I vividly remember our twin daughters’ birth and having them at home soon after, praise the Lord!
Ayanna had a C-section so she required my assistance for every diaper change and every single feeding. Whether it was 2 pm or 2 am because she couldn’t pick both babies up for a couple of weeks. Might I add we also had a two-year-old. The physical and emotional toll was real, yet it was an honor to be a husband and dad in that season.
Joy comes in the morning, pun intended! You need a team player in a marriage that will be willing to sacrifice as there will be times that require it, it won’t necessarily be a choice per se. Think about those marriage vows…(cough) in sickness and in health.
2) Husband material must be a hard worker
Another important characteristic for Hu is work ethic.
A slack hand causes poverty, but the hand of the diligent makes rich.
Proverbs 10:4 (ESV)
It’s not about how much Hu earns in terms of dollars because if his heart is right along with yours, you’ll be able to effectively steward your resources as a married couple to meet your needs. God is certainly the provider, but if Hu is lazy, seeks shortcuts, or is looking to get more with less, he won’t be a vessel that the Lord can readily use. So take the time to assess Hu’s diligence, preparation, discipline, attitude, and commitment when it comes to making a living because it matters.
The profession itself also doesn’t matter as long as Hu is responsible and has a plan for his future that you can believe in. Does his vision for his life and future family desires align or complement yours?
In a healthy marriage, the two will become one, so if future plans are contradictory or misaligned that could be cause for concern. Would you be willing to get into a car and travel with someone without knowing the destination? So why would you make a commitment to travel with someone for a lifetime without a roadmap or an agreed upon destination if he is truly husband material?
3) Your potential husband should have other healthy relationships
Hu’s relationships are the most important indicator of his readiness to become a husband. First, does he know Jesus as his Lord and Savior? How’s his relationship with God? God is love, so for Hu to truly love you, he must know the King of kings for himself.
Beloved, let us love one another, for love is from God, and whoever loves has been born of God and knows God. Anyone who does not love does not know God, because God is love.
1 John 4:7-8 (ESV)
I’m not talking about attending church, how faithful his parents are, or his belief in God. Navigating life will require supernatural strength, wisdom, discernment, and faith to overcome, persevere, and thrive. If there is no personal relationship with the Lord, Hu will be limited by what he can do in his own strength.
In other words, there will be a ceiling on his life. So if you don’t have any plans to explore, grow, and mature beyond where you are today then Hu might be ok. If you want to experience the plans the Lord has for you (Jeremiah 29:11), you should seek a man after God’s own heart.
Furthermore, how are Hu’s relationships with women of significance in his life? This could be his mother, grandmother, sister, niece, or others. A mature man will have a certain level of honor and respect for such women. He understands the role they have played in nurturing and encouraging him to get to where he is today. If he lacks respect for women or thinks men are superior, he’s not ready for marriage. Wives are co-heirs of the promises of God in a marriage.
Likewise, husbands, live with your wives in a understanding way, showing honor to the woman as the weaker vessel, since they are heirs with you of the grace of life, so that your prayers may not be hindered.
1 Peter 3:7 (ESV)
You don’t want your prayers hindered and should want peace and blessings to flow in your marriage like a river (Isaiah 66:12).
As a husband, it’s all about servant leadership. Where serving others is a call and privilege. Yes, I said privilege because the Lord can certainly use someone else to do the things he won’t. Therefore, invest the time early in a relationship to assess if he is husband material so you can pivot if necessary to discover the husband for you.
Let me know your thoughts and experiences regarding knowing
whether or not your man is husband material in the comments.
Loved this post! I’m already married but I absolutely resonated with all of these reasons. I was also feeling grateful that my sweet hubby met all of these.
Fantastic, glad you enjoyed the post! May God continue to bless you and your husband. E
So glad my SO has these qualities! I love your list and think every woman and man could learn from it.
What a lovely post! I love how you cite scripture 🙂
I love hearing from Eric’s perspective as both you and Ayanna are so uplifting. What an amazing duo you make, and how lovely you are to share it with the world.
Thank you Theresa for your kind words! To God be the Glory! The love and respect we have for each other allows us to experience ‘oneness’ in many aspects of our lives. This blog is a gift to share and inspire each other and others! E
Great food for thought – I think most of these could apply to a future wife as well! 🙂
Thanks Clarissa! I would agree, developing your best self is just as important. E
What a wonderful post! I absolutely love my husband’s relationship with his parents, especially his mother. And over the years I have enjoyed watching his relationships grow with his 11 nieces & nephews. <3
My husband is the most amazing man I ever met. If the person is right, you will have known it well before asking these questions, in my opinion. But, it is always good to have these goals in mind when the time comes.
Thanks Kaitlynn. May His grace continue to shine upon you. God bless you and your husband! E
You’ve listed some very important things to consider before getting married. Choosing a spouse is not something to be taken lightly. It takes time to figure out who a person really is.
I love your distinction between hard worker and how much money they make. When I met my boyfriend he was just about to graduate college. He did and then had a lot of trouble finding a job. It was hard for both of us, but I always appreciated that he was willing to drive Lyft or deliver pizzas in order to bring in money. Luckily he has a good job now, but that was one (of the many) reasons I knew I wanted to marry him someday.
Great post and insight! I totally agree with having other healthy relationships!
Great points!! Definitely agree with all of them– a lot of women make a “list” of their ideal husbands and often leave these HUGE nuggets out! I love my husband for all of these qualities and even for teaching me how to possess them as well!
Great post! I agree completely on all these points. I’m pleased to report that my husband meets all these standards and is also a fantastic dad to our girls, as you seem to be. Thanks for sharing!
These are great points to keep in mind when contemplating if someone is the right person to marry or not. I took a good hard look at my now husbands relationship with his family. Family is very important in my life and I needed to make sure it was a part of his life as well. We have the same religious views which was important as well.
The last one speaks to me a ton. I had a friend who married someone and she was his only friend. It ended very badly, but that was the common theme we noticed when we looked back. Healthy relationships with friends and family is so valuable.
yes, looks fade but you want the guy that is going to change the diapers at 2am. its so true. a giving spirit is the best quality in my husband! ps i love these pics… twins with a two year old! adorable but I cant even imagine!
Yes! Love this post! Love your blog it’s so uplifting and inspirational!
Lauren
Great things to keep in mind–especially hearing them from a man’s perspective. Thank y’all for what you do!
This is heavy stuff but so good! Thanks for writing! Proud to say my guy is husband material ;o)
Great article. I have to let my husband read this completely.
Totally agree! These are very important qualities, and sometimes are overlooked when we are in the early -honeymoon – stage. Nice post.
These are good qualities to have in a future spouse. I pray that God blesses me with a husband who embodies the same qualites you have listed above.
I’m (hopefully) on my way to an engagement with a man with all these qualities <3 Great post!
I love love love this post! Most women wonder why they are single but haven’t looked to the Bible for the qualities they should be looking for. Women have to stop being superficial. Sure, its nice to have a good looking man but is he of substance? On the other hand, women have to be willing to prepare themselves for that perfect man as well. Proverbs 31
This post gave me a lot of food for thought to process. My own relationship is a just a couple months over a year old, and that honeymoon phase has been wearing off. Moving forward, these are definitely questions to consider thoughtfully.
Totally believe in everything you listed. Why it is so important to talk, interact with his friends and family. Did he go to church before you meant things like that.