5 Reasons Your Husband Is Not Talking To You

We often hear that the one thing every marriage needs is good communication. I agree that good communication is important. Yet, having good communication in any relationship, especially marriage, is a lot easier said than done. So what do you do when your husband is not talking to you?

Most people would start off by giving you tips and tools to use to help improve your communication. While I also could give you a few of those and I often do, I believe it is important to look back a little before trying to move ahead.

Often there are things that may have happened or you may have done that have negatively affected the communication in your marriage. If you feel like your husband is not talking to you or you are having communication issues, you may want to discover why.

As wives, when you are facing a problem or situation in your marriage, like with communication, it is always important for you to first pause, pray, and process. By pausing, you are going to be still and not add or do something new just yet. You pray to seek God for the eyes to see what is truly going on and direction as to what your next step should be. Then by processing, you are openly and honestly looking at all the things you see and what God has revealed to you.

While dealing with communication issues in your marriage if your husband is not talking or giving you the silent treatment there are often underlying reasons you may not have realized. Therefore it is helpful for you to take time to pause, pray, and process over these 5 reasons why your husband is not talking to you.

Your Are Always Talking

As women, we often talk more than men do in general. When talking we often try to give all the information we know, background information, and even share our own feelings or thoughts to help give a full picture about whatever we are talking about. There are always exceptions to the rule, but for most married couples we can honestly say that as wives we talk more than our husbands do.

Talking more than your husband is not really the problem because more than likely your husband expects it. The problem comes in when you are doing all of the talking all of the time. Not really giving your husband an opportunity to add more than a word or two in here or there.

We have all either seen a movie or television show scene where you see a couple talking, but one person is doing all of the talking. The camera pans back and forth between the two people. The person doing all of the talking often does not even realize what they are doing. While the other person just sits there because they are either not given the space to say anything or being cut off when they do.

This is often very common in marriage. Just because your husband may not say as much as you do, does not mean he does not have anything to say. You have to make sure you are giving him the space and the time to talk. Conversations do not have to be long to be meaningful.

You Do Not Listen, So Your Husband Is Not Talking To You

We all have busy lives. It can be easy to get so caught up in the busyness of your life as a woman, wife, and mom and not be intentional about taking the time to truly listen when your husband is talking to you. Listening is a skill that we have to practice and is a major part of good communication.

Understand this, my dear brothers and sisters: You must all be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to get angry.
James 1:19 (NLT)

Over time not listening to your husband can lead to him giving you the silent treatment. If and when your husband does talk, share things with you or ask you to do things you either seem focused on other things, have to repeatedly ask him about the same things he already shared, or do not do what he asks he may just stop talking to you. I know this to be true because it has happened to me.

As a mom of three active daughters, it is easy for me to stay focused on my daughters and dismiss my husband at times. When I first became a stay-at-home mom, I did this all the time. My husband could be talking to me about something and if the girls needed something, I would give them what they wanted and my focus. If they interrupted him talking, I would give them my attention without realizing I was dismissing my husband at the same time.

It was not until my husband pointed out to me that I was doing this that I realized it. Did I stop doing it immediately? No. It was a habit that I had formed that I now needed to break. I took time to pause, pray and process. Now even years later this is something I still have to be intentional about not doing.

Not listening also often goes hand in hand with you always talking. We all have things to say that we feel are important and so does your husband even if it is not a lot. Making it important that as his wife you are giving your husband the time, space, and attention he needs to listen to the things he has to say.

Your Tone And Attitude

We have all heard the saying that you can catch more flies with honey than with vinegar. The same applies in your communication or lack thereof in your marriage. You should be a soft and peaceful place for your husband to come and share anything. Yet, when he comes to you to share things and is often met with an attitude or the tone in your responses are bad over time he will stop.

Now we all have bad days and can be caught at a bad time to talk. However, if this is happening more often than not, then that is not something that fosters good communication in your marriage. While also potentially causing your husband to not want to talk to you.

When she speaks, her words are wise, and she gives instructions with kindness.
Proverbs 31:26 (NLT)

Having the right environment that invites communication in your marriage is so important. The environment has less to do with the actual location and more to do with the atmosphere.

You Often Criticize and Complain, So Your Husband Stops Sharing Things With You

This also goes hand in hand with creating the right environment in your marriage for good communication and for your husband to want to talk to you. Having peace and you being a safe place for your husband to share whatever is on his mind or heart is essential for good communication in marriage.

It’s better to live alone in the desert than with a quarrelsome, complaining wife.
Proverbs 21:19 (NLT)

If a lot of your conversations or times your husband shares things include you criticizing, complaining, or both this may be a reason your husband is not talking to you. This is something that is easy to do unintentionally as well. I know because I have found myself doing it also.

As a wife, you have a front-row view into all areas of your husband’s life. This also means you see more of his shortcomings and areas he could improve in. Yet, this does not mean that it is necessary for you to always want to point them out.

There will be times when giving constructive advice or saying something your husband has done has had a negative effect on you in some way. However, this is where wisdom and discernment are key for you to know when this is to be done in love. Remembering that if repeated too often it can be received by your husband as criticism and nagging leading to a stop in communication.

You Are Often Trying To Be Mrs. Fix-It

Now, this is one that if you are not paying attention, you may be doing this unintentionally. As women and wives, we often have great ideas, plans, and just want to help. God even created us that way.

And the Lord God said, “It is not good that man should be alone; I will make him a helper comparable to him.”
Genesis 2:18 (NKJV)

You are such a gift and a blessing to your husband. Yet, when your help goes from actual help to trying to take over and fix it this may be causing your husband to not share things with you. Not because your husband does not like your ideas or plans, but he may feel you do not trust him to handle whatever situation he is facing.

There are often times when your husband is sharing something with you just to share it. He may just need to get his thoughts out. While he is still either just working through them or towards a resolution. Not necessarily talking to you about it for you to try to fix it or give him advice.

It is not always easy to know when your husband is doing this or how to respond to certain things your husband shares with you. This, however, is another time where wisdom and discernment are key for you as a wife. Hopefully helping your husband not to feel like you are putting on your Superwoman cape, trying to be Mrs. Fix-It, and save the day.

Marriage takes work and so does communication in marriage. Having good communication in marriage is essential to having a healthy and strong marriage.

If you and your husband have stopped communicating or he is giving you the silent treatment, take time to pause, pray, and process. While also taking an honest look at these five reasons as to why your husband may not be talking to you. So you can use these tools to get past this bump in the road of your marriage journey.

I’d love to know if there are anythings you have found that causes communication problems in your marriage in the comments!