Once you become a mother, it seems like there is not a moment of the day that you are not in mommy mode. Our kids require so much care and attention, especially when they are young that it often requires us to be in mommy mode at all times. While being a mom is very important and always being ready for the unexpected is something that comes along with motherhood.
However, being mindful of not treating everyone in your household like a child is also very important. Although there are times when our husbands may act childlike, your husband isn’t a child, or your child, so should not be treated like one.
Truth moment. Regardless of your relationship with or our feelings about your mother-in-law, she is your husband’s mother. One of our roles as wives is not to pick up where our mother-in-law left off. No one is perfect, including us.
If your in-laws did not do at least somethings right, you would not have married your husband. I happen to love my in-laws. My husband, Eric, would not be the man he is today without them. However, did they do everything right? No. But the truth is neither will we with parenting and raising our children. This is one of those areas in life that grace is required.
In order to grow to be better wives and embrace another wife challenge, there are three things you may be doing that may be causing you to forget that your husband isn’t a child and should not be treated like one.
1) Thinking Your Way Is Always The Right Way Or The Only Way
This is something I am often guilty of. If you are anything like me, you have routines, schedules, and lists for lists. There is a way I like things done and think is best. Yet the truth is my house and my marriage is not all about me.
As wives, we are not to dictate to our husbands how to and the way to do everything. We may often do this to our children in order to get things done and it can easily spill over into our marriages.
Do nothing out of selfish ambition or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves. Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others.
Philippians 2:3-4 (ESV)
Valuing our husbands’ thoughts, opinions, and wants are so important. Our thoughts and ways may seem right and best to us, but they are not the only ones. We should always want what is best for our marriage and family, not just our way.
2) Your Favorite Word Is No
This one often goes hand in hand with thinking your way is always the right way or the only way. As a mom, I often feel like every few minutes I am saying no to something. Especially when my girls were younger. Yet in our marriages, we can often shut our husbands out and down with our no’s.
Our husbands should free to be exactly who God created them to be. They should be able to express themselves and do things their own way. As wives, we should always be our husbands biggest cheerleaders, encouragers, and supporters. So what better way than to do that is to be open listening to and trying things their way?
Just like with our kids, repeatedly telling our husbands no to different things or in different situations, may lead him to stop talking to us or coming to us in different situations. We never want to create an environment in our marriages where there are thoughts, dreams, or situations our husbands may be facing that prevent him from sharing them with us.
A wise woman builds her home, but a foolish woman tears it down with her own hands.
Proverbs 14:1 (NLT)
The word ‘no’ can often spill over into the intimate relationship with our husbands as well. While ‘no’ is not always said, but can be implied with different actions or rebuffs. So I would encourage you, while also encouraging myself as well, to make sure the word no is not the most frequent word our husbands hear or feel from us.
3) Doing Everything For Him
When I first became a stay at home mom, I thought that since I was no longer working I should be doing everything for my husband and kids.
Yet after becoming overwhelmed and stressed by it all, I slowly realized that I was treating him like one of my kids. As wives, we are called to be our husbands’ helpers, not to do it all.
Then the Lord God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper who is just right for him.”
Genesis 2:18 (NLT)
We are in this thing called life together, so we should be doing things together. In our homes, the majority of the household responsibilities may fall on us, but not all of them. Our husbands are more than capable of doing things for themselves, our kids, and for us.
We often have to step back at times to give them room and opportunity to do so. They may not do things exactly our way, but that is ok too. Marriage and parenting are hard enough without us trying to confuse our roles in our homes. Never forgetting that your husband isn’t a child.
I’d love to know if you have ever found yourself treating your husband a child
and what did you do in the comments!
From my experience, it seems to me that both sets of parents wanted me to act like my husband’s mother. I’m his WIFE, not his mother.
Knowing your role is so important, Tabi, and making sure you and your husband are on the same page is key. There are so many parents you have a problem accepting to leave and cleave.
hey dear,
Great information,i really like your post and so useful for me.keep up and thanks to writer for awesome sharing.. 🙂
Thanks so much, Suresh, for your kind words. 💕
What sound advice that we are NOT his Mama. 🙂 Although we don’t think we are acting like it at the time, that’s exactly what we can be tempted to do. Thanks for your wonderful heart!
shan
The How-to Guru
This is a beautiful post. It is very inspired, insightful and full of wisdom.
So much truth here! I really think I take my role as mum very seriously and sometimes that’s not great for my husband. I’ll be taking your suggestions on board!
I love this! I’m definitely guilty of getting in mommy mode and staying there. I get so stuck in our routine, and I will get mad if my husband tries to change things up. I need to remember that my way is not the only way, and he has good ideas too. Thank you for this great reminder! I needed it!
Oh man, I have complicated feelings with this. Sure, I don’t want to treat my husband like a child, but sometimes he needs to stop acting like one! =)
Great reminder to set the tone correctly, though.
I love your last point about not doing everything for our husbands. I know a lot of stay-at-home moms feel like you did initially with feeling like doing it all was your responsibility. I felt this way too.
Until I started working again, and I realized I had “spoiled” my husband because he was totally fine with me doing everything for him. And he’s a pretty self-sufficient guy so for him to just take his hands off the daily house duties is saying a lot.
I love how you said that we are their helpers… not their do it all. I believe our strengths as wives is to help set the stage (the systems) to help our children and husbands do things for themselves easier. Great post!
This is such a great post! So much wisdom here. So often we see/hear women talking about and treating their husband like children. Even the jokingly including them in the number of children at home. But they are adults and equal partners in a relationship and need to be given the respect to treat them as such.
These are such great tips. Thanks so much for sharing! Def comes in handy when you are married.
I definitely made all these mistakes in my first marriage! This time around, I am not doing these at all and it makes a huge difference.
Talking down to my husband is a great way to start a fight around here! But he’s very good about helping.
So many great points! In reality, I don’t want the responsibility of a second child so I try really hard not to make my husband that second child. Although, I will say, we tend to have this problem reversed – my husband is a first grade teacher.
This is convicting. Such a good reminder. Thank you!
This is absolute truth! Great post lady!
I am definitely guilty of a few of these..thank you for an amazing post!!
I think this relates to relationships before marriage too. It’s way too often that I hear men being talked to like they’re children, when they’re capable of all the same stuff (including caring for children if there are any!).
So much truth. I feel like I’m constantly addressing things with my husband the way I would address them with my children, but we are EQUALS. Love this article. Much needed nuggets of wisdom here.
YES YES YES! To all of this! So true!!
Such a good post girlfriend! I am often guilty of doing everything for him. I like to think that it’s my love language but I can see where that can make him feel like a kid. Thank you for the reminder. Pinned to share with our Living Our Priorities community. Stopping by from By His Grace Bloggers.
I am not married but can still see the value in this information. Tucking away for the future! Great tips.
Great post! I’ve certainly “been there- done that.” Good advice for married couples, young and old. 🙂
This is so hard. I do some of these things, and I just don’t even realize until it’s over.
How wonderful that you said this. I’m going to share this on my personal page.
This is so true! I’ve been married for 26 years and a SAHM for the last 4. It is so hard (especially now) to keep the balance. It’s so easy to just take everything on yourself which always rolls over and onto our husbands and how they are treated. I realized awhile ago that I have to be intentional with my words and actions and keep our marriage in a priority position.
This was wonderful to read. I am guilty of these sometimes. So it’s nice to have a reference and to know what to look for so I can stop doing these.
This was both encouraging and convicting. Thank you! 🙂
I love this!! I am sometimes bad about thinking it should always be my way, but I give in sometimes. Hehe!! Great post!!
Angela
This is such great advice… I think we all get in mommy mode and it gets tough to separate the two!! I’m pinning this for my friends to read ! Thanks!
Such an awesome & needed truth bomb. I love Philippians 2 applied to marriage. Thanks for the beautiful post!
This is so true, and yes, it can be so difficult to remember when you’re in mom mode and you’re just trying to run the household as smooth as possible. Thank you for this reminder!
Yes I especially like the last point! I have thought this in the past too, but it’s important to let them do stuff! Now I don’t hesitate to let him help out!
Great article! I’m learning that I don’t have to take on everything and to let my husband do things his way. It’s so important 🙂
I loved this! You described everything perfectly and tactfully!
So good. Thank you for these WISE words!!!
Yes!! My husband is an adult and is treated like one. Just like I don’t always want to do his suggestions I don’t expect him to always want to do mine!
This is such a great reminder! Yes, you’re right! As moms who have 2 little ones, it is very easy for this to happen!
Belle
I’m often so guilty of #1. I’m very meticulous and plan everything, while my hubby is more of a jump-in-and-see-how-it-goes personality. That causes friction! I’ve been challenging myself more lately with letting him have his own routines and ways of doing things, though. I’m even – GULP – letting him make big decisions for us, without my input (read: nitpicking 😉 ). It’s important to empower our husbands by giving them our respect and honoring their decision-making! Thanks for the reminders!
This was a tough lesson for me to learn! I was a single mom when my husband and I got married and I treated him like one if the kids in the beginning. It caused a lot of issues and took a while for things to change. Sickness, actually. God has to bring me to a point where I couldn’t do a thing for myself to see he was perfectly capable of being a man and head of the house. Im grateful 😊
Great post! I, too, felt as a SAHM that I needed to take on ALL of the house hold duties! Then I remembered I’m NOT his mother and he can help with some of the laundry and house hold chores!
These are great points. At one point I think I was doing a lot for my husband. Things are more balanced now!
Great outline. I’ve been married 15 years and I’ve learned to surrender some of the ways I like things done, like folding pillowcases because it’s so not important in the bigger scheme of life. They tell men that “happy wife happy life”. But the truth is that you both need to be happy for a true happy life.
Such wisdom shared here. As wives, we do have to make sure that we are being intentional in how we treat our husbands. I too, have been guilty, when things get hectic at home that I just start treating everyone THE SAME WAY and that is not how it should be.