Kids are like snowflakes. There are no two that are exactly alike. They may be similar in some ways, like the way they act, their interests, or their temperament. Yet they are not exactly alike in all ways. As a twin mom, this is something I know all too well.
My twins are identical. So they share the same DNA, but that is just about it. One likes pink and all things girlie. The other likes blue and cars. One loves hugs and always has a kind word. The other will try to tackle you first and say “Hi!” second. Similar in looks, but everything else is often worlds apart. Yet, one thing I have discovered that all kids need, no matter how similar or different, are boundaries.
All our kids need boundaries. Now I know some of you would say, “Yes that is true, but they also need….” With the answers to that being endless. Yet if you really look at all the things having healthy boundaries does provide for your kids. I think you will agree that first and foremost our kids need boundaries.
Kids Need Boundaries Because It Shows Love
Love is probably the first thing you thought all kids need above boundaries. Love is necessary yes, but love is not a feeling is an action. So giving our kids boundaries is a great expression of our love for them. Giving our kids boundaries shows them that we love them enough to keep them safe and know that everything available to them may not be good for them.
You say, “I am allowed to do anything”- but not everything is good for you.
1 Corinthians 10:23 (NLT)
Although we want our kids to have freedom and explore. As their mother, we love them enough to protect them with healthy boundaries. Some physical, like when our kids are young and we have baby gates throughout our homes. You know that until they are older, the stairs should be off-limits to them. These types of boundaries are to lovingly keep them safe.
As your kids get older, the boundaries may change, but remain necessary. Like with access to things online or social media.
We live in such a digital world, that it is hard to monitor everything. So letting our kids know they are certain boundaries around the sites they have access to or the length of time they have access to technology are two necessary healthy boundaries our kids need.
Loving them enough to know there are certain things we do not what them to be exposed to too soon or at all. Especially while they are still growing and maturing. Knowing we cannot protect our kids from everything, but we can set necessary boundaries that show we love them and are doing what is best for them.
Kids Need Boundaries To Give Them Some Independence
Now, this may seem like the opposite of what boundaries are, but they do go hand in hand. A boundary according to Merriam-Webster is “something that indicates or fixes a limit or extent”. Pointing to the fact that there is some space between where you are and how far you can go.
In all that space in between, this is where our kids can find independence. Giving them the freedom and ability to have options and make choices. While still being loved and protected by the boundaries you have set. All children want some independence and boundaries help us give that to them.
The older our kids get the more independence they want. When your kids are babies and first are learning to feed themselves, the battle of who gets to hold the spoon often ensues. You know it will be messy and half the food will not end up in their mouths. But while they are safely strapped in their high chairs, you give them the freedom.
Then later you start battling over helping them put their clothes on. Their sense of “I can do it myself” continues to grow.
Later you have the battles over social media, cell phones, places they can go with friends, and the list can go on and on. Often making setting boundaries while still giving independence harder the older they get, but also making them so much more necessary.
Kids Need Boundaries Because Of The Consequences When They Are Crossed
Boundaries help to teach our kids early about consequences as well. A lesson that all kids need to learn. Disciplining our kids is not always easy and is definitely not fun. However, it is a necessary part of parenting.
Don’t fail to discipline your children.
Proverbs 23:13a (NLT)
Our kids need to know that there are consequences when they do not follow the rules or stay within the boundaries set. The world is filled with rules, laws, and boundaries. So teaching our kids early and at home what boundaries are and that there are consequences to crossing them will serve them well as they get older.
Being a mother is a blessing and one of the hardest jobs there is. There is so much to consider and so much to do when raising kids. It is not simple, but by simply remembering that our kids need boundaries can make a world of difference. It will help us as mothers to love them better, give them the independence they crave, and give them the discipline they need.
I’d love to know what kind of boundaries you have set for your kids in the comments!
Yes! Boundaries are so very important. I work hard with my granddaughter not just to help her set boundaries, but to share with her when I am personally not crossing boundaries or allowing others to.
That’s a great way to set and show boundaries, Jennifer. Being an example is so important.
I definitely agree! I like all your specific reasons for boundaries too.
-Lauren
I’m so glad, Lauren!
Boundaries are so important! We set up online/technology boundaries for our children – hours/days of the week they can use it. And the kids have learned what happens when they cross the line…losing privileges.
I think my youngest (my daughter) is determined to test all the boundaries though.
Teaching our children boundaries when they are young is important. Life lesson we all need.
I had never thought of discipline as a boundary. You are so right. Kids need parents first, and parenting is setting ground rules that you hope they use throughout their lives – not instead of love but because of love.
Yes, Brittany! It is all about loving them and doing what we know is best for them in the long run.
I couldn’t agree more, and a great reminder to parents. 🙂
Thanks, Maria.
I never would have connected ‘boundaries’ with giving independence but it makes so much sense. I actually think kids thrive even more when there are boundaries they can make decisions within. Just yesterday I let me son choose the type of braces we would go with for him – but this was all based on him being responsible. That is the boundary I guess. He now wants to prove to us that he made the right decision!! Great post – and your girls are just beautiful 🙂
Yes they do, Yolanda. And that is so awesome that when your son got to choose he is now motivated to prove he can be trusted. Win-Win!!
Hahaha! The battle of the spoon! 😂 I remember all too well! You have such great insight. These are very good reasons why kids need boundaries, and I am always trying to remind my boys that their boundaries are to keep them safe and help them live a good life. They may not understand yet, but that’s okay – what we teach our kids through our actions will stick with them when they are older!
Boundaries are crucial! We have boundaries such as no electronics before a certain age (our oldest was 10 when we let him USE a laptop)… we also set friend boundaries. I love the points you made about WHY boundaries are important and WHAT they can do!
Thank you so much, Michelle, and I love that you have boundaries on electronics and friends.
Boundaries aren’t a punishment it is protection
Yes they are, Candy.
Boundaries are hard to set, and even harder to keep. And yet, God gives us the example as our good Father of setting boundaries for us. It is my prayer that the boundaries we set for our kids honor God and will someday leave our kids recognizing the boundaries God sets for them ‘have fallen in pleasant places’.
Yes, Elaine. Keeping our parenting and the boundaries we set for our kids centered on God is so important.
I couldn´t agree more!
Yes, kids need boundaries, as a matter of fact, we all do, we all need to know our freedom has to end where someone else´s begins.
I see parents loving their kids so hard that they do not wish to upset them with boundaries and I see how that influences the child.
They are completely confused about how they should behave so their behavior becomes erratic and almost always aggressive, mostly because they´re afraid!
They´re being forced by their parents to play a game no one ever took the time to explain the rules.
I think that is the opposite of love.
I do not believe that putting our kids on a throne and allowing them to do as they please, all the time is healthy for anyone involved, especially not to the young despot who is forced to wear a crown that is just too heavy for them.
So true, Carla. We have to love our kids enough to know that boundaries and rules are necessary. We are to be their parent first, not their friend.