Going from girlfriend to fiance is so exciting. You are one step closer to fulfilling your dream of becoming a bride and then a wife. It may seem that once you say ‘Yes!’ to the love of your life asking you to be his wife it is all downhill from here. While it is exciting there are things you need to know before getting engaged. The journey from girlfriend to bride-to-be to wife is one that you have to be intentional about navigating successfully.
When you finally find the ‘One’, you are often just waiting until he pops the big question. Since you were a little girl, you have been dreaming of becoming a bride. Whether that incorporates a Cinderella-like dress with glitz and glam or a dress that flows in the breeze while you are standing on the beach.
I can remember when my husband, Eric, proposed. Although we had had many conversations about marriage and had even gone to look at rings together before. The night he proposed I was totally surprised and it was not too long after I went into full wedding planning mode.
While I ended up having the wedding of my dreams and we have now been married for 14 years and counting, there are still some things that I wish I would have done differently when I look back. Not necessarily with the wedding, but before we even got engaged.
Getting engaged is a lot bigger deal than we realize and being prepared for what is to come is so important. Prepared not just to be a bride, but to be a wife. So here are four things you need to know before getting engaged.
Know Before Getting Engaged That You Need A Wife’s Mindset
Although there is a lot you do not know about being a wife and marriage without actually being married. That does not mean you should not start preparing yourself to be a wife before you say ‘I Do!’ and even before you say yes to the ring.
Being a wife is not something that you automatically become the moment that you get married. You get the title on your wedding day and many of the benefits that come with marriage, but being a good wife is more about mindset and actions that occur prior to the wedding day.
He who finds a wife finds a good thing and obtains favor from the Lord.
Proverbs 18:22 (NKJV)
This scripture speaks to the fact that you are to have the attributes of a Godly wife prior to you getting married and your husband benefits from them.
As a wife, you are called to love, honor, and respect your husband. To be submissive, first to God then to your husband. While also managing your home well. All of which are characteristics that you should have and know before getting engaged.
Make Sure Your Husband-To-Be Is Husband Material
Just you are to be preparing to be a wife before even getting engaged, the same should be said for the man you are dating. There are things he will only know and understand once he actually becomes a husband, he should have the characteristics of a Godly husband before you accept his proposal.
He should be exhibiting the mindset and the actions of a husband prior to the wedding day even before getting many of the benefits that come with being married.
Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth.
1 Corinthians 13:4-6 (ESV)
A husband is to love his wife sacrificially and these scriptures speak to what real love is. A husband is also to protect and provide for his wife and family.
Therefore before even considering getting engaged, look to see if the man you are dating is kind and patient. Not just with you, but with others as well.
Is he arrogant, boastful, or envious? Is he humble and looks to celebrate others?
Is he easily angered and looking to point out your faults or missteps? Is he gracious and looking for you both to grow together through the ups and downs.
And the list can go on and on. One of the most important things to remember is that although people do grow and change over time, we have to look at how we really are today. Not looking to be married to someone you hope he can become, but who he is today.
Remember The Ring Is Not That Important
Now I know you are probably like, now Ayanna, let’s be real the ring is super important. Well, the truth is it really is not. The ring may be a symbol of your husband-to-be’s commitment and seriousness about you. The most important thing is actually his commitment and seriousness about you becoming his wife.
If your real goal is to become a wife. To commit your life to loving, honoring, and respecting your future husband. Then the actual ring itself is not the most important thing.
When Eric proposed to me, I can honestly say that I did not really look at the ring. I knew he had a ring in his hand, but I was so caught up in what he was saying and what this moment meant for our relationship that the ring was a total afterthought.
It was not until I went to the bathroom with my best friend that was a part of the surprise that I really looked at the ring. And if I can be honest, it was nothing like the rings Eric and I looked at together or what I said I wanted. Yet, I quickly realized that it was not about the actual ring. It was about a dream coming true and God answering many prayers.
Also, remember that your ring can always be replaced or upgraded. 😉 So even if the ring is not the ring of your dreams today. As you start to build the life of your dreams with the man of your dreams, maybe on one of your wedding anniversaries you can get the ring of your dreams.
Keep In Mind That Guys Do Not Really Care About The Wedding
I am not saying that they do not care at all about the wedding, but not about all the little details. For them, it is often just a big party where you become his wife. So do not overwhelm yourself or your future husband with all the details. You want his thoughts and opinions so you can make this day about both of you. However, be cautious with trying to get him involved in all aspects of wedding planning.
The type of calligraphy on the invitations, the shade of pink the bridesmaids’ dresses are, and the type of roses you use in the centerpieces may be really important to you. However, how important are they to your soon-to-be groom?
As a future bride and soon-to-be-wife, you have to make sure you pick your battles wisely. Wedding planning should not be a battle that you fight with your groom.
Also, make sure not to get so focused on the wedding that every day that is all you focus on and talk about. Remember your wedding is just the start of your journey as a married couple So make sure to be more focused on planning the marriage of your dreams and not just the wedding of your dreams.
Getting engaged is such an exciting time and should be enjoyed. However, it is also a time for you to prepare to be a wife and set the foundation for a God-centered marriage. Taking an honest look at your future, your guy as a future husband, and what is most important to you going from girlfriend to wife.
I’d love to know one thing you wish or want to know before getting engaged in the comments!
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