We all either know or have sung the little rhyme that goes something like, “First comes love, then comes marriage, then comes the baby in the baby carriage.” Getting to the baby in the baby carriage is such a blessing, but it is also life-changing in ways you never realize. Causing many moms to wish they had asked more questions before having kids.
Becoming a mom is both exciting and scary. Being responsible for caring, nurturing, and providing for a new little human can be overwhelming. Children do not come with instruction manuals, so it is all on-the-job training.
No matter whether this is your first child, third, or more. There is a mix of excitement and unknown experiences. Every child is uniquely different and how you parent one may not necessarily work for the other.
I can remember when I was having my first child. Just getting pregnant was a total surprise to us. Due to some preexisting conditions, my doctor told me early on that it may take a year or more for us to get pregnant if at all.
With this reality in front of us, we decided to just pray about it and have “fun” over the next year. Well, because God is still in the miracle-working business, 6 weeks after my last doctor’s visit I was back to take a pregnancy test. 🎉
From that moment on, our lives have never been the same. Early on we spent a lot of time preparing to welcome our beautiful little blessing into the world.
We bought all the latest gadgets. Started reading all the books and blogs on parenting. Yet, with all the preparations you may do, nothing really prepares you completely for motherhood. Going from wife to mom is a bigger leap than we often realize.
I soon realized that although having kids changes you, it also changes your marriage. Therefore making sure you are preparing both yourself and your marriage for your new addition is so important. Here are 5 things you need to know before having kids that will help both you as a mom and as a wife.
Developing A Mommy Support System Is A Must
It truly takes a village to raise a child. Therefore starting to build that village before having kids is so important. As a mom, you are going to need support, encouragement, and love along every step of your journey.
Let us think of ways to motivate one another to acts of love and good works.
Hebrews 10:24 (NLT)
Having the right mommy support system, or village, around you will help you be the best mom you can be. In life and in motherhood, there is always something new around the corner and something you do not know.
I spent a lot of time when I had my first daughter asking a lot of questions and even after having all three of my daughters I still ask questions. I ask questions to their pediatrician about things that are both going on and to look out for. From when they were infants about what and how to feed them. Until now when they are tweens about body development because it has been many years since I went through those changes myself.
I also ask a lot of questions to my mommy friends that are either going through the same stages of motherhood I am or those who have already gone through them. You will often be amazed at the encouragement and assurances you get by sharing the ups and downs of motherhood with those on the journey with you.
A mommy support system filled with friends, family, and professionals will help you not just be better prepared as you navigate your motherhood journey, but it will also help you to be a more confident mom.
Before Having Kids Create A Dating Lifestyle In Your Marriage
Having your first child is exciting. Wanting to focus on nurturing and caring for that child is something that often comes with motherhood. Now, while your new baby will need a lot of your attention and your time. The newborn phase requires a lot more time, effort, and energy than we often realize.
Although your new baby is now a priority it does not mean you can stop making your marriage a priority. Will the amount of time and ways you spend time with your husband change? Yes. Nothing about you or your marriage will be the same as it was before you had kids. However, that does not mean that you do not continue to cultivate a lifestyle that is important to the health and well-being of your marriage.
One important lifestyle every married couple should cultivate is a dating lifestyle. A dating lifestyle is one that you and your husband commit to making sure dating is an essential part of your marriage.
What these dates look like will be totally up to you. Whether you go out to a nice restaurant, take a trip to your local ice cream shop, or have a night of Netflix and chill. Dating your husband is all about you both staying connected and intentional about nurturing your marriage.
Doing so is a lot easier after having kids when it was already a part of your marriage before having kids. Therefore creating a dating lifestyle before becoming a parent is essential for you and your marriage.
Keeping Your Marriage A Priority Helps You To Be A Better Mom
It is often so easy after you start having kids to put your kids first. Before yourself and especially before your husband. Your kids, especially when they are babies need you to do almost everything for them. While your husband is fully capable of doing most things for himself.
While your child may need you more at different times than your husband does, it does not mean you do not prioritize your marriage in the midst of motherhood. As a mom, our job is to care for, nurture, and raise our kids to one day go off into the world.
Train up a child in the way he should go;
even when he is old he will not depart from it.
Proverbs 22: 6 (ESV)
A part of nurturing and preparing them for not just the world but to have healthy relationships is to provide an example for them at home. Having a healthy, loving, and growing marriage is something we all want and an example our kids need.
This is something I had to learn. Before we had daughters, Eric and I were very intentional about investing in each other and our marriage. After our first daughter, we made a lot of adjustments, but were still intentional about our marriage and keeping our dating lifestyle.
Now when we had our twins, I unintentionally put our marriage on the back burner. With a toddler and two new babies, all my focus, efforts, and energy were on them. While my daughters did need me, so did my husband. Over time I also saw how the distance being created in my marriage was negatively affecting me as a mom.
I was feeling alone, not seen, and overwhelmed. I was so focused on these little people and their needs, that the man God blessed me with to do life with and to help raise them was being pushed to the side.
Teaching me that just because you become a mom, does not mean you stop being a woman and a wife. All of which need to be cared for and nurtured so you can be a better mom.
Intentional Self-Care Also Helps You Be A Better Mom
We all know that you can not pour out of an empty cup. This often becomes the most evident when you become a mom. Your child will need so much from you. They will grow, stretch, and challenge you in ways you never have been before.
This makes it so important that before having kids you are intentional about practicing good self-care. Finding ways and things that matter to you and fill your cup up in little and big ways. Because this will help you to also continue as you navigate motherhood.
I also was not the best at this when I first became a mom. My focus was on making sure I was caring for and providing my child with what they needed. I was not giving myself the things I needed and let’s not even talk about what I was not doing for my husband. There was little for me to give my husband and not the best of what I could give my daughter because I did not have it to give.
Once the light bulb turned on for me over time, I started to make little changes in my self-care that caused big changes in me, my parenting, and my marriage. I started to become a morning person, so I could start my day with quiet time with God and myself before the needs of my family broke the silence.
I also started being intentional about making exercise a part of my life. Whether that was going to the gym when I could, or just turning on a YouTube video while doing an at-home workout. Maintaining my physical health helps me to have the strength and endurance I need to be the mom I want to be.
Motherhood can be physically and emotionally exhausting. Therefore it is so important that both before and after having kids you are intentional about taking care of yourself physically, mentally, and spiritually.
Learn To Ask & Accept Help Before Having Kids
Now, this is one thing that for so many of us is easier said than done. It is often so easy as a mom to believe it is up to us to do everything and give our children what they need. While the role of a mother is a unique blessing, that does not mean you are supposed to do this parenting things all by yourself.
Two of the most important people there to help you with parenting and on this motherhood journey are God and your husband. Both love and want nothing but the best for both you and your child. They do not expect you to do everything on your own and want to help. Help you thrive as a woman, wife, and mom.
Two people are better off than one, for they can help each other succeed. If one person falls, the other can reach out and help. But someone who falls alone is in real trouble.
Ecclesiastes 4:9-10 (NLT)
When preparing to have children it is also important to dispel the myth that other moms have it all under control on their own. Because it is just not true. No matter how perfect their Instagram post may look or their FaceBook feed may appear. Behind every great post, are things and people you do not see or know anything about.
There are no perfect Supermoms who have it all together and can do everything on their own. We all need and should ask for the help we need from God, your husband, and your mommy support system.
This mom life is a marathon, not a sprint. So it is important that before you even enter the race, you are preparing accordingly. Cultivating your support systems, strengthening your marriage, and empowering yourself. While always remember that the blessings are worth the work.
I’d love to know what is one thing you did or are doing to prepare yourself for motherhood in the comments!
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