Marriage although beautiful and a blessing, is filled with many ups and downs. As the years go by there are so many experiences and lessons learned. In the last year, with the pandemic and quarantine, many of our marriages have gone through things we never could have anticipated. For me, the last year of marriage during quarantine has felt like the longest year of my marriage EVER!
I love my husband, Eric, and spending time with him is the best. However, with quarantine, it feels like we have spent more time together in the last year than we have in the last 14 years. He has been unable to travel for work, so all of his work is done at home.
I work exclusively at home as well with my coaching clients virtually. Then you add our kids going to school virtually for most of the year. There has been a lot of together time for us as a couple and as a family.
There have been moments of frustration and feeling overwhelmed. Times when the walls of our home feel like they are closing in and that loving feeling is fleeting. Feelings as a wife you have probably felt as well, not just during quarantine, but at other times in your marriage. However, like with any feeling it does not last forever.
You grow and get past those feelings, while also at times being able to gain lessons from those times.
House and riches are the inheritance from fathers, but a wise, understanding, and prudent wife is from the Lord.
Proverbs 19:14 (AMPC)
Gaining wisdom and understanding for those moments and take them with you through your marriage. Quarantine has definitely been a learning experience for us all. I wanted to share with you 5 lessons that I learned from marriage during quarantine that we can all take with us for years to come.
Marriage Lesson #1- Not All Time Is Quality
Not all things are created equal and the same goes for our time spent with your husband. With the increased amount of time we have had to spend at home with our husbands, it can feel like the time spent is enough. Yet, quarantine has taught me that as wives we have to be intentional about spending quality time with our husbands even at home. Just spending time is not enough.
One important thing to always keep in mind is that quality time can look very different for different couples. You may like to be engaged in conversation to feel like you are connecting or share an activity. Or you may be a little like Eric and I who like watching a television show together once a week and consider that quality time. Then there are other times when just sitting on the couch together while we both are engrossed in our books is quality time.
What you are doing does not matter as much as being intentional about doing something you both enjoy. Making sure that the time you spend together is not just focused on the quantity, but the quality.
Marriage Lessons #2- Everybody Needs Space
Now I know I just was talking about making sure you are spending quality time with your husband. This is so important, but just as important is making sure you are spending time together is making sure you are both getting time alone. Being in your home together every day can take its toll on you. Making it important that you both have opportunities to spend time alone.
Finding ways to give each other alone time may require you to get creative, but it is so worth it. Maybe it is taking time to play with your kids outside for 30 minutes so your husband can have the house to himself. Or you both picking one night a week to get the television all to yourself for an hour.
No matter whether your space or time is limited, there are many ways that you can give each other the space you want while also practicing the self-care that you need.
Marriage Lesson in Quarantine #3- Your Physical & Mental Health Affects Your Marital Health
We all know how important it is to take care of our physical and mental health. Yet we often do not realize how much it affects the health of our marriages. Your marriage is a covenant between you, your husband, and God. It is not just about you as an individual, but you together.
So they are no longer two but one flesh.
Matthew 19:6 (ESV)
Making how well you take care of yourself key to how well you are caring for your marriage. Both your physical and mental health.
I know for me, during quarantine it had become easy for me to not exercise as much and snack a little more. It also became much more scattered in my thoughts. Then I realized that as a wife, I cannot take the best care of my husband if I am not taking the best care of myself. So I encourage you, as I have to encourage myself, to take time to exercise even if at home with a YouTube video or a walk around your neighborhood. Take time to find and meet with a coach and/or therapist if necessary.
One of the best things I could have ever done for myself and my marriage during quarantine was to continue to meet with my therapist virtually. She was able to help me work through the feelings of being overwhelmed and isolated, while also encouraging me in the goals my business coach helped me to set.
So make sure you take some time to invest in your physical and mental health to strengthen the health of your marriage. If you happen to be looking for a coach to help you take your wife-life to the next level, I may be able to help. Click here to find out how.
Marriage Lesson #4- Changing Up Your Routine Is A Good Thing
If you are anything like me, you love a good routine and schedules are your friend. Having a daily list of your to-dos helps you to get the things you need to get done. While these are all very important and I am a big advocate of having a healthy routine. Sometimes in marriage, having a routine can get you in a rut.
One marriage lesson learned in quarantine that I keep getting reminded of is the need to change things up from time to time. Being at home so much has many of the days feeling like they are running together. Which can also cause you to feel like your marriage is on auto-pilot as well.
This is why changing things up and adding a little spice to your marriage is a must. Because your marriage should be anything but routine. Whether you switch things up in how you spend time together in the morning before the busyness of your day gets the best of you. Or you spice things up in the bedroom at the end of the day. The options are endless and so are the possibilities for keeping the spice and intentionality alive in your marriage.
Marriage Lesson #5- Scheduling “Sexy” Time Is Okay
Although keeping things spicy and spontaneous is important in your marriage is important, we also have to be practical and realistic. As a busy woman, wife, and mom, you have a lot on your plate and on your list of to-dos. So often by the end of the day, you are exhausted. Then if we are honest, the thought of adding one more thing to that list, even if it is your husband is just too much.
This is why it is important to schedule intimacy with your husband from time to time. Not looking at it as something you just need to check off your list or as a have to do. But look at it as an opportunity for you to connect with your husband and something you can look forward to.
Sometimes the best lessons are learned during hard times. The pandemic and quarantine has definitely had us all experiencing some hard times. Yet, with these 5 lessons learned from marriage in quarantine, we can all get to the other side stronger. Because growing as a woman and wife is key to having a healthy and strong marriage.
I’d love to know one marriage lesson you learned during quarantine in the comments below.
Thankfully, our lives didn’t change much at all with quarantine. However, we live a very isolated life as it is, and these tips are great for us too. My husband gets a lot of alone time with his job but I’ve realized how much I need it as well.
It is amazing how much we need that alone time, even though relationships with others are so important.
My husband and I were lucky that our lives didn’t change too much. I already worked from home, and he had to continue going to the office for work. But these are great tips regardless, and I agree that quality time looks different for everyone!
That is cool that you got to maintain your home routine through quarantine, Kait.
I really felt changing up your routine. Especially in the last year a lot of days blended together and breaking that cycle sometimes was so important!
Yes, Sarah! I have also had those days when things started blending together.
I’m definitely a social creature, but it’s the daily moments of solitude that help fill my bucket so I can be present for my family. When all of sudden my husband and son were at home full time, I thought for sure that I was not going to make it! But, we fell into a rhythm, gave each other extra grace, and found spaces we could all our own for that much needed alone time. The hardest part for my husband and I is finding quality time together…but he started cooking once a week and I sit at the island and hang out with him — it’s almost like a date night! It gives us time to catch up and laugh (usually at his lack of kitchen skills). I feel like we’ve found a way to make it work. So relating to your post!
That is so cool, Linda. My husband started making dinner one night a week as well, but I never thought to hang out with him in the kitchen. I will definitely do that next time.
My husband and I have learned more than ever before about our relationship during the last year and we’re really grateful for the fact that we’ve only grown closer and stronger as time has gone on. We thrive when we’re communicating well and also giving each other space when needed. It’s important to take time for yourself in marriage, which isn’t something I see recommended often. I’m glad you included that here!
This year has definitely strengthened so many of our marriages, Stephanie. And I agree that not enough people encourage individuality and personal grothe within marriage.
These lessons are all so important! I love that you talked about how time together is not always quality time. My husband and I have not spent more than an hour apart for a year now but we still schedule dates every week so we remember to set aside intentional time for each other. Great tips!
Setting intentional dates is so important, Genesis.
This is fabulous! And needing space was probably the hardest thing to get during quarantine!!!
Getting space is definitely not easy, but so necessary Kelly.
I definitely agree that everyone needs their alone time sometimes, especially in relationships and marriage!
I’m glad I’m not the only one, Jennifer.