Mine is a word that we learned early in life. As we mature and start to acquire our own money and debts, this concept of mine grows. Even as we grow to gain a healthy relationship with money through proper stewardship of all God has blessed us with and learn our to manage our money correctly, there is still a sense of mine attached to it.
This idea of my money and my debt follows us into our marriages, such as this is my savings account or those are his student loans. It is usually not easy to talk about money in marriage. Yet, it is critical for us not to only talk about money in our marriages, but also for us to learn to steward it together. We have to stop looking at our money and our debts as his or mine, but as something we have to steward together.
Money in Marriage
He answered, “Have you not read that he who created them from the beginning made them male and female, and said, ‘Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh’? So they are no longer two but one flesh. What therefore God had joined together, let not man seperate.
Matthew 19:4 (ESV)
This is one of those verses in the Bible that almost every married person has heard quoted or either quotes it themselves. I know I have found myself quoting parts of it from time to time when talking about marriage in one way or another. Yet, until sitting down to write this, I never would have applied it to marriage and money. Little did I know, these verses were the perfect way to help us change our money views of his and mine, to ours.
Created Different On Purpose
He answered, “Have you not read that he who created them from the beginning made them male and female,
Matthew 19:4 (ESV)
As wives, we often view things very differently from our husbands, especially money. This difference in perspective can often keep us looking at our money as his and mine. Whether that is because we do not manage it the same way or because we do not trust each others decision making, we choose to keep things separate. We allow our differences and different perspectives to cause division in our finances.
Yet, if God wanted us to be the same, then He would have created us all that way. God created us differently on purpose. Those differences are to complement each other, not compete. So just because they are different does not make one better or right.
Change Can Be Good
Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife..
Matthew 19:5a (ESV)
Just because you have always seen something done one way or that you have always done things a certain way, does not mean that is the only way to do things. A lot of how we view and manage money is based on how we were raised.
If you grew up in a home where money was never discussed or seemed to always be a point of conflict, then you may feel not talking about money may be a way to avoid potential conflict in your marriage. Keeping your finances separate is another way you try to avoid potential conflict.
Yet the truth is, you are not your mother and your husband is not your father. Your parent’s marriage was uniquely theirs, just like yours is uniquely yours. You both left your parents and formed your own union between you, your husband, and God.
Truly Becoming One
“This explains why a man leaves his father and mother and is joined to his wife, and the two are united into one’ Since they are no longer two but one, let no one split apart what God has joined together.
Matthew 19:5-6 (NLT)
If two have become one, then why can’t your bank accounts? Being united means united in all areas. Not just those you feel most comfortable with. It means coming together, working on and through everything together. Taking what was his and what was yours and making in ours. If God has joined you together, why allow money to separate you?
I’d love to hear your thoughts on the separation of money in marriage in the comments!
YES! We knew that becoming one meant every aspect of our life including money. I think it changes your mindset of your marriage and commitment when you view everything as shared between you two. Even though we were both raised with different views on it, we both had a heart to do it the way we believe God wanted us to and it’s been a blessing to our marriage!
This is a great eye opening for a lot of people. Before I married my husband we both agreed that all our money either he work for it i work for it, is going to be in one bank account. I told him having an individual account is like single people but a sign papers. I think trusting each other is a big part of the marriage. Thank you for sharing this.
This is definitely a transition! This post gives some really great insight and tips 🙂
We have a joint bank account because what we earn goes toward the common good of our family so I agree with your perspective. For us it just makes it easier! We share everything!
That’s awesome, Christina, and I agree with you as well. Doing what’s best for your family is what’s most important. We share everything too!!?
I agree with the joint account strategy in marriage. I really think couples who are getting married should take a finances inventory to learn more about each other and how they view money, bills, saving etc… It could save a lot of headaches later! Insightful post!
I sent his to my husband. We are going to the bank today
I just listen to someone speaking about this. They said people who don’t combine their money usually end up in divorce over those who do combine. They are never truly one.
That’s so true we get married with and we create our own union. Thank you so much for pointing this out. 🙂 -Cass
Yes I agree with you. I am not married yet, but when I get married I really want to have all of our money be in one account. If your my husband I trust you enough not to abuse our money.
We have a few bank accounts. We have one joint account to pay all of our bills out of.. then he has a checking/savings and i have a checking/savings. As long as all of our bills are paid out of the joint account, we have out personal accounts as our personal fun money or we can save it. This system works for us because we always know bills are paid before we do anything extra.
My husband and I have been together for 10 years, married for almost two. When we married I kept my maiden name and my bank account. I’m just an independent woman, I guess. We’ve never even broached the topic of combining finances, mainly because I’m a saver, he’s a spender and he has a mortgage on a rental property that I don’t want to have anything to do with. We split bills 50/50. It’s worked for us this far, so I don’t think we’re going to change it. That being said, I did have combined accounts with my first husband, but he managed money very differently than my current husband. Maybe it just comes down to who you marry?
I agree with your post…it gives me a new perspective on the whole matter. Thanks for sharing.