Being a wife and a mother are two of the hardest jobs most of us will ever have. I remember when I first got married all those years ago. I never thought how much I had to give to make it work and be healthy. Over time, I found ways to make it work and to keep my marriage a priority. Yet, when we started having kids, that started to change things for me.
I went from thinking marriage was hard work to realizing I didn’t know anything yet. Finding ways to give 100% to my marriage and 100% to my girls was a struggle. I was struggling as a wife and as a mother. Although there are still times when I struggle with both and to find balance, I found that one of the major causes of my struggles was how I was prioritizing the two.
I went from making my marriage a priority to making my kids my priority. Making our kids a priority over our marriages often causes us to neglect two very important things about marriage and parenting.
Keeping Your Marriage A Priority Is God’s Design
But ‘God made them male and female’ from the beginning of creation. ‘This explains why a man leaves his father and mother and is joined to his wife, and the two are united into one.’ Since they are no longer two but one, let no one split apart what God has joined together.
Mark 10:6-9 (MSG)
The covenant relationship of marriage is like no other relationship we can have. If two are to become one, we cannot prioritize something or someone else over our one. Being attentive to the needs and wants of our marriages is so important, especially during the different seasons of motherhood.
Nothing saddens me more than when I hear about a couple that has been married for 20 or 30+ years and they are getting a divorce. In so many of those cases, it happens soon after their kids are out of the house. The kids had been the priority instead of the marriage. Now that the focus and priorities are gone, they are often left with a broken relationship. This is something I do not want for any of us, so keeping our marriages a priority is important.
Keep Your Marriage A Priority Because Kids Aren’t Kids Forever
Now do not get me wrong, there are times, especially when our kids are young, that their needs took precedence. Like when they are infants and are too young to do anything for themselves. Yet, our kids will not be young forever.
I have had to learn that, even at those times, the health and wellbeing of our marriages directly affect how we parent. Making our marriages a priority does not mean we are neglecting our children. It actually is the total opposite.
Trains up a child in the way he should go, even when he is old he will not depart from it.
Proverbs 22:6 (ESV)
Our roles as wives are until death do us part. Yet, as hard it may be to accept, our job as moms is to raise our kids and for them to then go off into the world. As a mother, we are only in parenting and raising season of life with our kids for a short amount of time. Keeping that in perspective helps to keep our priorities in perspective as well.
One thing I often playfully remind my girls of is that “I was your dad’s wife before I was your mother”. I do this for two reasons. One to make sure they understand how important our marriage is to us and hopefully to them as well.
Secondly, instilling in them that God has an order for things. I do this while also praying that when they do get older and go into the world, they will follow that order. Growing to have beautiful Christ-centered lives, and going on to have husbands, and families of their own.
Both marriage and having kids is such a blessing and beautiful relationships that should be nurtured. One of the best things we can do to nurture both of them is model for our kids what a healthy, loving, and strong marriage looks like. Our marriages often teach our kids more than we think, so it’s important to keep it a priority.
I’d love to know how you keep your marriage a priority in the comments!
I have to do this. I find that the busier I get, there more my husband gets the short end of the stick, and I know this will wear on our marriage over time. Thanks for this wonderful reminder!
So true. Kids won’t be kids forever, need to keep the relationship strong!
This is such an important truth!!! I’ve seen too many people misinterpret this type of message as somehow meaning we don’t love our kids. Never that!! BECAUSE we love our kids we pour into the relationship that started it all!!!
I love this! I also believe in putting your marriage first. It is also a great way to show your kids what a healthy marriage looks like.
I completely agree with all of this. Marriage is the constant and so important to maintain.
xo
Taylor
I love this. I wish more young women would realise how important it is to nurture your marriage and remember that the man you married was not just for his ability to create beautiful babies 🙂 and that object of parenthood is not to raise children, but rather to raise fully funtioning adults. Thank you for writing this.
Timing on this is so perfect! My husband and I are expecting our first baby in Sept and hearing this before hand is great!
I am all about this! My husband and I are getting ready to expand our family and we’ve vowed that we are going to put each other first. I saw what happened when a marriage crumbled because of kids. It’s not healthy.
That is awesome that you are both talking about this early, Kate.
AMAZING read….. I think it’s so important for our children to understand marriage is a team effort!
it’s so true.. Marriage takes such a back seat to kids’ every desire. Specially their social life. IT’s exhausting and on the same time overwhelming. This is such a beautiful reminder.
While we do not have kids yet (we plan to soon) this was amazing to read for our future. That’s a great point that you were his wife first before being a mother. I love your prospective on this.
This is SO good. And I totally agree! I’ve seen couples be up front with their KIDS that mommy and daddy come first, and I think that’s so smart and honorable. Definitely in line with God’s plan!
Such good tips! I fell like it can be so hard to remember these too. We get caught up in everything else. But it’s so important to remember who was there first.
Wow, I have never thought of the marriage and family relationship in this way. Very interesting
Excellent viewpoint. I love where you are coming from with this. Thanks for the encouraging words!!
I don’t have kids but I agree – keeping the hubs #1 always is important!
This is wonderful and I’m not a mom yet, but making my marriage a priority is something I work on every single day. Communication is key for us and we also make time every single day to just talk with no distractions. 🙂
It’s so easy to get lost into parenthood and forget about your partner. We always try to make it a point to have loads of alone time just the two us. It’s so important for the longevity of your marriage,
Yes, Kristeena. Making sure we are making the time we need to connect is so important.
Great writing. Excellent points. Love your website. I yottabyte agree with you. Marriage is first. Well, God is first and then the marriage.
Thanks so much, Julie, and you are so right. God is first and should be at the center of your marriage as well.
Showing your kids a healthy marriage partnership is so beneficial for how they will approach their future relationships and marriage.
Yes ma’am, Jenni! We are our kids first and most important teachers, so we have to be mindful of the things we do and the relationships we model.
I love this! My husband and I don’t have kids yet, but we always talk about how we won’t forget to have date nights and make sure our marriage is a priority.
Yes we should nurture both our marriages and our kids! But, it’s so easy once children come into the equation, to put everything else aside!
Such great advice! It is so hard when you are in the trenches (early years) of motherhood, but it is absolutely imperative that your spouse knows that you love and cherish them.
This is great advice! I’m not married and don’t have kids yet, but when I do I will for sure keep this in mind.
-Valerie
This is so good and so true. My husband and I got to have a whole weekend just a few days ago while our son was gone on a retreat. It was so wonderful and life giving to pour into each other. 🙂
Such good tips! We are getting married this year, and I feel like it’s so important to put your marriage first
This is a great read! I agree your marriage must come first, but I’m guilty of putting my kids first on many occasions! I’ve got to work on that!
I loved reading this. I think it’s so important for our children to understand marriage is hard work but we must be a team to parent together. Thank you for sharing!
“As a mother, we are only in parenting and raising season of life with our kids for a short amount of time.” – This is such an emotionally difficult truth. I agree that it’s so easy to get those priorities messed up, especially in early motherhood, because your kids’ needs can seem more practical. It can be a lot easier to provide nourishment and protection to someone who is dependent on you as opposed to providing grace, encouragement, and love to someone who may have opposing thoughts and opinions. This is a good reminder!
Yes, Jordan. You summed it up so perfectly. “It can be a lot easier to provide nourishment and protection to someone who is dependent on you as opposed to providing grace, encouragement, and love to someone who may have opposing thoughts and opinions.” I am going to have to write this down as a reminder for myself. Thank you for the word! 💕