We all get married with the happily ever after in our minds. You take your vows and look for your love and commitment to grow. You know that in marriage and in life there will be ups and downs, yet you are committed to having your love last and your marriage prosper. Wanting to not just have a successful marriage, but also an enjoyable one.
I remember when my husband, Eric, and I were getting married.
We want to truly live out the “Til death do us part” portion of our vows. Wanting to not just have a marriage that lasted a lifetime, but one that was successful and filled with happiness.
Yet, early on it was not evident to us on how to actually do that. We were looking for the secret sauce that all the successful and happy marriages I knew had. Then one day the light bulb went off and our marriage has never been the same since.
I discovered that the secret to having a successful and happy marriage was not found by looking at someone else’s marriage, but already within. The secret is to not try to be anyone else, but cultivate and nurture a marriage that is uniquely your own.
Something that although seems so simple, is anything but. Life and marriage are not simple. Yet if you truly embrace the beautiful uniqueness of your marriage, you can cultivate a successful and happy marriage. You can do this in three simple ways.
Embracing Your Uniqueness Is Key To A Happy Marriage
Every marriage is as unique as the two people in it. God created us all different on purpose with a purpose. So strive to just be you.
For you found my inward parts; you knitted me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are your works; my soul knows it very well.
Psalms 139:13-14 (ESV)
If two uniquely formed individuals come together in marriage to become one, how can that new union be just like anyone else’s?
Yet we can often get so caught up in comparing ourselves and our marriages to others. Using what may appear to us as the perfect marriage or someone as the perfect wife, as our barometer of success and happiness. However, that leaves us at the losing end every time.
Comparison will always leave you feeling less than.
Not that we dare to classify or compare ourselves with some of those who are commending themselves.
2 Corinthians 10:12a (ESV)
It steals not only your joy, but also your happiness and feeling of success. How can you have a successful and happy marriage, if your marriage can never measure up?
I could never be the wife you are or have the husband you have, and vice versa. That is not only okay, but a beautiful thing. The beauty of your marriage is its own unique differences.
That does not mean that any of us are perfect, all those differences are good, or we do not have things we need to work on. It simply means that by embracing your God giving uniqueness, you can then embrace that in your marriage. Also allowing you to see the beauty, success, and happiness already present in it.
Using Advice Wisely
Now if you are reading this, then you are probably a lot like me. I love to seek new ways, tips, secrets, and tricks to have a better marriage. Always looking to discover how other people make their marriage work and looking to learn from them.
Seeking advice and wise counsel from others is so important.
Take good counsel and accept correction- that’s the way to live wisely and well.
Proverbs 19:20 (MSG)
There is so much we can learn from other married women and couples. Yet, like so many things, there is no one way to do things. It is so important to take all the information and advice you receive wisely and consider it wisely. Looking to learn from others, but not seeking to become just like them.
What works for one couple may not always work for another. Using the advice and counsel you receive wisely will help you continue to cultivate and nurture a marriage that is uniquely your own.
Embrace Your Unique Gifts
Just like we were created uniquely, so are the gifts we have and how we use them to show love.
As each has received a gift, use it to serve one another, as good stewards of God’s varied grace.
1 Peter 4:10 (ESV)
Using our gifts to serve and love our husbands uniquely is so important. Remember that the secret to having a successful and happy marriage is having a marriage that does not look like anyone else’s.
As a woman and wife, we are often blessed with the gift of serving. Although how we use that gift may look different to each of us. For example, I love grocery shopping and cooking and my husband loves eating. You, however, may not like grocery shopping or cooking, and also has a husband who loves to eat. But you may also have a husband who loves to cook and you know your way around Instacart.
Both of us are using our gifts of service in different ways and loving our husbands well. Blessing them in the ways that are unique to us and once again continuing to cultivate and nurture a successful and happy marriage that is uniquely your own.
Embracing the uniqueness of who we are and our marriages coupled with using advice wisely, helps us to unlock the secret to a successful and happy marriage. Having a marriage that is uniquely your own.
I’d love to know how you embrace having a marriage that is uniquely your own in the comments!
I love this it is always important to look at you on marriage and your own life without comparing it to any body else’s, I truly believe that comparison is the thief of joy.
Yes it is, Denise.
Hi! I like that you pointed out the danger of unfair comparison. The grass usually looks greener on the other side but we must understand that this may not actually be the case and God has given us different spouses according to our needs. Working with what He has given us improves our chances of happiness as you rightly pointed out
Yes, Edith! I love how you pointed out God giving us based on our needs and theirs.
I absolutely agree that you can’t constantly compare your marriage to others. The grass isn’t greener on the other side; it’s greener where you water it.
Yes it is, Reese, and that is one of my favorite quotes.
This is such great information. I am divorced and remarried. In my first marriage, I prayed and waited 10 years for him to come back until he decided he wanted a divorce. Let’s face it no little girl ever says when I grow up I want a divorce. Comparison is a huge trap and as painful as that experience was for me the Lord taught me many things about myself and my relationship with HIm. It also has given me great empathy and compassion for others who find themselves in difficult times or a failed marriage.
Fast forward I’m remarried to an incredible man of God and God has restored what the locusts ate 100 fold. Thank You for investing in marriage and giving us sound biblical advice. You are right that every relationship is unique and for that, I am very thankful!
I do agree with everything that you mentioned! I just got married last year and even if we already lived in for a year, it was still quite of an adjustment. There are some bumps along the way but there are more happy moments and that’s something I will forever cherish!
Your posts on marriage are always spot on! Keeping Christ at the center of our marriage has always been important but this is a good reminder of just HOW important it is.
What a lovely message you give when you say to strive to be you! It’s so beautiful when someone is their authentic self.
Brett and I just had a LONG conversation about this. We both love the marriage we have, and we both have to communicate to grow together in our uniqueness.
i love these ! as a newlywed I love being able to read ways to work on my relationship.
Comparison is the devil, and that means inviting the devil into the union! I love this!
Take good council and accept correction is sound advice. It js good to listen to a perspective outside of your own. Marriage takes hard work.
Such a great post…one that I’ve been needing to read. Comparison can really take a toll on a marriage. Thank you for sharing!
This is such a wonderful blog, yes each marriage is unique and when God is at the center it will be a union filled with blessings.
I have been married for over 11 years now (together 19 years) and this post is full of some great advice. Thank you for this. Embracing the uniqueness is definitely key! If you can’t do that your marriage will never survive.
This is such a great perspective. I think we are all unique in our talents and abilities. God has equipped us with what we need for our lives, ministry, and our marriage. You are absolutely right that we cannot compare. Comparison is a thief of joy for sure.
You guys are seriously goals! You always have so bright and inspiring posts!
That is so sweet, Gena, thank you!💕
The secret to a successful and happy marriage is that there is no secret..
Everyone is different, every marriage is a long journey. Love is the key x
There are definitely different keys to making a marriage work, Marina.
Great read! These are some amazing tips to keep in mind, a lot of people forget how hard a marriage can be but once you figured out the secret(s) it’s not too bad 🙂
Marriage can be such a blessing and so much fun when we put the work in, Glenny.
So simple but great advice! Thanks for sharing
Simple is often best, Tara. 💕
I love this ! I’m not married but this advice is something I’ll reflect on in the future !
Thank you for such practical advice! All advice comes from others personal perspective and experiences and needs to be filtered through a lens of our own circumstances and personality. Yes, seek counsel. But I agree, we want to be ourselves, not someone else!
You are so right! It’s so easy to get caught up looking for the “right” way to do marriage with your partner. We are each unique individuals and our marriages are a reflection of two totally unique individuals coming together and doing life together. Such a realistic and helpful post.
All of this is ah-mazing! I will be sharing this with all newlyweds and about-to-be weds because this can make a world of difference EARLY on. I’m appreciate of the reminders of how to foster a happy and healthy marriage.
I love this! Comparison in marriage (or anything for that matter) is such an easy trap to fall into and it can cause such discontentment. I really love what you shared here! Thank you!